moloboko

untitled

2011-02-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

i thought i should write something today since i have nothing to do and it's good to put in an entry just to keep this 7 year-old blog going.

i can't believe time has passed by so fast. 7 years has zoomed by since i started writing. there were times when i stopped, and times when i created other blogs, and times when i changed the appearance of the blog to freshen things up. this current appearance has been with me since 3 years, as far as i could remember. the rest before was changed once a year.

i think i'll make a change to this blog again. it contains many of my memories (mostly sad ones because i write more when i am sad to get things off my chest).

this time, i want to make it a more professional blog. something with a theme to it.

i only have a general idea of what i am going to do with this. the only problem is i should not put my personal things on this blog if i were to make it professional.

i have another blog still, the one which failed terribly. on that blog, it contained my experiences in france during the exchange. i had turned it into a vlog. it only has 6 videos...lol. and the last one was (ironically) a laughter scene from FFX, uploaded in 2009.

now, let me think a little bit about what i should do with this blog. i figure that since i have no girlfriend, and my tuition assignments have been reduced to only one. i would have a pretty free weekend. so i'll have loads of time on my hands for ~~games~~ and other mini projects that i have been wanting to work on. i will give myself a deadline here. it'll be until end of March. this includes the proposal that i have for my business plan.

the reason being - there's just more than i think there is to starting up a business part time. i want to do it with as little risk as possible. and this blog is going to be part of it.

a nice weekend

2011-01-15T14:05:00.000+08:00

there is something similar but different about this weekend and the last weekend. this weekend is a pretty R&R weekend for me, since i have decided to put off the spring cleaning for chinese new year to the next weekend. it was also a R&R weekend for me last weekend.

however, i was sick and coughing away and rotting on my bed last weekend. this weekend i'm looking for things to do at home in front of my desktop.

it's only the beginning, like 2pm in the afternoon. and monday's a day off for the office since it's my company's anniversary.

and i received my utilities bills yesterday. i was brutally shocked that this month's electricity bill is as much as last month's, though it claims it's just an estimation. we've not been using the fans in the house, given the cold weather the past one month. i was expecting the electricity consumption to go down. then as i think further about this, i realise that we could have used the same amount since my sister has been obsessed with MapleStory2, an online MMORPG. apparently, the lovebirds are going budget on their dating (it's cheaper to date online than to go out), at the expense of their brother. i hope they get married soon and she gets out of the house.

so what am i planning this weekend? i haven't got the slightest idea. i'm thinking of polishing my idea for a game that i am planning to make on the mobile phone. speaking of which, there hasn't been much progress. i'm guilty of that. my health has been bad for the past few weeks and i am still waiting for my textbooks (yes, i'm going to self-teach computing) to arrive. so i can only polish the ideas i have in mind for this game that i am planning to make.

sometimes life just feels like a dream. you get onto a project, do something about it. and when you have done it and looked back on the days you spent doing the project, you would have this strange feeling of accomplishment that makes you feel surreal about your life.

i am not sure if you get what i mean.

anyways, to end things off, have a great weekend. i'm going dream-chasing!

Countdown to 2011 at Marina Bay, Singapore

2011-01-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, it's uploaded:)...

a need to let things out

2011-01-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

i don't care how you think about my mom after this blog entry. she's my mom after all, that's not going to change no matter what happens...

sometimes i wished my dad had met a normal woman. maybe i would not have been born, but it don't matter. my mom's family has a hereditary illness. it started with her parents (i.e. my maternal grandma and grandpa). they were not very mentally strong people. under the circumstance of a typical tragic tale from riches to rags (i heard my grandpa used to own a business but was cheated of his money and lost everything), he buckled and became mentally unstable. somehow the same happened to my grandma, a couple of my aunts and a couple of my uncles.

in recent years, i am beginning to see signs of abnormal behavior in my mom. at times i would blame the television for her condition, because it all started in 2003 when SARS invaded our lives. we were not affected but my mom happened to be one of the few who were traumatized by the incessant reports of doctors, nurses and caregivers losing their lives whilst helping others who suffer from the illness.

she became withdrawn from her family, including us, i feel. she started using gloves when doing laundry, and neglecting household chores. she would spend time washing dishes not using scrub or soap, just rinsing them with water under the tap again and again. then it went on to the toilets. there's a private space for each of us no doubt, and hers was the master bedroom toilet which she would "clean" everyday. she also started buying fake jade and gemstones, and be afraid of the slightest things around her.

what happened tonight is the last straw. she was chanting in the kitchen at night - in the dark. i find that i can't understand her train of thought. and this is depressing, because it's a sign that i am losing her.

my buddies always tell me that sometimes they can't understand my way of thinking. i have the fear that this runs in the family. everyone thinks differently, but there are things in the world which most of the people would think the same way. this is called "norm". when you think differently and behave different from the people around you, you stand out of the crowd. in some cases, you're a superstar. in other cases, you are nuts. i'm not a superstar (though i wish i am one).

anyways, it just feels so good to let things out. grandma says she's afraid of how my mom may become a burden to me when she grows old. i know how it'll turn out. if i should not have the capability to take care of her by myself, she'll have to live in a hospice. it's part of life. people may label me for the actions i take, but they would not know unless they are in the same circumstances as i am.

ok, time to sleep. i still haven't finish editing the movie. hope it gets up by tomorrow.

for the first 4 days of 2011

2011-01-04T07:41:00.000+08:00

i had wanted my first entry to be a post of a minute video i took of the fireworks @ Marina Bay but i haven't finish editing the video (i have not even started, don't ask why). so let me write about what i have been doing since last year (30 december).

so i went to two weddings, on 30th december and on 2nd january. i went to the countdown at marina bay. i was at the far end on the other side of the bay where you can see fireworks without having to bend your head up toward the sky and the crowd is less compared to the esplanade front of the bay. i went hanging out with friends on saturday and yesterday. i watched the Tourist, which i think is a very good movie. it's better than harry potter (the deathly hallows part 1) and narnia (voyage of the dawn treader) in the sense when or if you consider the latter two to be a disappointment.

what resolutions do i have for 2011? i have three of them, arranging in descending order of difficulty and ascending order of priority.
1. to set up a business in game design
2. to go to the Tokyo Game Show 2011 (i have delayed it for 2 freaking years)
3. to lose my tummy (so as to increase my chances of getting a girlfriend)

i wouldn't know what life would bring to me in 2011. i don't expect much out of 2011. i just want to be happy doing the things i am doing and hoping set up a family soon. this year i am turning 27 and the thought of approaching 30 without a family just makes me feel so depressed. recalling what one of my friends commented, "i wouldn't want to grow old alone". i think drastic times call for drastic measures. lose my tummy and put up an advertisement to sell myself away. :)...

anyways, for immediate concerns, i need to get myself warmed up again for work. it all started on the 1st of december when i reported to camp for my in-camp training (an obligation that all healthy singaporean men above the age of 18 and have completed their national service have to fulfil). it went all too well, that i had nothing to do in the camp. nothing to do is an understatement actually. i was just waiting, waiting and waiting without access to the outside world. it felt that half of my mind has rotten into oblivion during the two and a half weeks when i was there. luckily i wasn't rotting away alone. there were people to talk to. and i think that is all. i could have taken time to exercise a lot in camp but i'll look abnormal since no one else is doing anything.

i'll upload the video when it is done.

close to another end

2010-12-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

this year is coming to an end. i am taking a quick look on how i have been spending my past years counting down.
2010 - i was in Vietnam with Dazril. it was a great (and very warm) countdown with the Vietnamese
2009 - i slept through it
2008 - i slept through it as well
2007 - grandma was in hospital, but she got d/c on new year's day when i was leaving for france. i wouldn't have gone if she was still in the hospital
2006 - i watched TV (at home) for the countdown
2005 - i watched movie with buddies
2004 - i had countdown at Downtown east with my primary school friends
2003 and earlier - not sure what i did. but i remember one of the years i was at east coast park watching ship flares (like fireworks) for the countdown. it was with my primary school friends.

this year, i am planning to spend it with just a friend, or maybe two watching fireworks.

2011 here i come!

end of the year

2010-12-29T06:47:00.000+08:00

it's a weird time for me to be blogging at this time of the day - i am awake in the morning going to work.

anyway, this shouldn't be the last entry of the year. i always have entries rounding up the year for the past few years, talking about what's happened and what i hope will happen in the next year. this time, i plan to look at things differently. it's in the sense that it's no longer about school, no longer about myself and i, and it'll be about my career, and what i'm going to do (perhaps) to bring people into my life.

for all 26 years that i have lived, i have not felt so much this year. it's been a ride up from a rough start to a smooth end in short. i hope the next year will be better.

ok, i'm on leave from tomorrow to next Monday anyways, so i'll have time to go for weddings, think about life, make plans for 2011 and do the last blog for the year!!

back to business

2010-12-10T18:04:00.000+08:00

don't get me wrong. i am still away from work for my national service. (this accounts for the lack of updates for the past one and a half weeks.) i had too much time rotting away in camp that ideas of setting up a business started growing within me.

at the beginning, i thought i should save up for a few years (say between 5 to 7 years), get myself a capital to start up a business. after talking to my manager, i thought i should start it part time to save time. and yes, if i am able to pick up programming and do it by myself, i can just start about anytime now, on a part time basis. so i started reading up articles online to understand how the mobile gaming market works.

when i have done up my research and set up the business plan, i talked to a friend of mine, who is an entrepreneur. he suggested against starting out part time, knowing the nature of my business. i understood his concern as it was the same as mine when i first thought of doing this business.

before i continue, i am considering three options. first, i can do everything by myself on a part time basis. i have done something similar before. i submitted a walkthrough for final fantasy xii international on gamespot.com. to date, it has accumulated 12707 hits (uploaded on 14 April 2009). i had promised to update it but it never happened. after i complete FF13 (i only have 5 trophies left to go), i shall return to finish what i started for this guide. what this means is i may not have the determination to see this through if i were to do it alone. however, money is involved in the latter and it was just hobbying for the former. in any case, this is not a favoured option unless my two other alternatives run out on me.

second, i can get people to invest in this business together with me. my friend suggested strongly against this because i will be a huge sinner if the business fails to pick up. i understand where he comes from, and i would probably commit a mental suicide if i waste one year of two people's time. time is valuable and of the essence. unless they are willing parties, understand and able to accept the risks involved, i would not resort to this option. however, this option is my most favoured.

thirdly, i can hire people to work for me. this is an expensive option, and i just found out that i am late by one year. the good thing about singapore government is it has loads of money. and they are willing to give them to young folks like how i was before i turned 26 this year. what luck. there are other channels to get capital funding, but i would have to look harder and (hopefully not) farther for the solutions.

my business plan is simple. do up games for mobile phone platforms, get the money rolling in, and expand.

mobile phone gaming is a fast growing industry and the market is just hit the exponential stage of growth (meaning it's not too early or not too late to enter the market). here is some theory to share. the adoption of technologies can be expressed as a bell curve. let me take iPhone for example. iPhone was launched in 2008 with 500 applications at the beginning. currently, it is in the fourth generation of phones and has 300,000+ applications since October 2010.

it looks exponential but it's behavior is closer to a square curve. this is a sign that the App Store is approaching but not yet entering the exponential stage of its growth (both user and developers).
ok, nevermind about the theory. the worrying thing about markets related to technologies in general is it is everchanging and evermoving. Apple is already taking a new move in planning the release of a new OS and reading this has knocked off some of my plans. (arghs) it also presents new opportunities to me.

whatever it is, i should make decisions soon, latest at the end of the year. it's now or never.

away from work

2010-12-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

it so happened that after i returned to work for less than one week, i am away from work again for another two and a half weeks. it's an obligation that i have to do for my nation. for the love of the country, it's called national service.

yes, these two and a half weeks i am having in-camp training. there are many type of in-camp training, and it comes in all shapes and sizes, like if you're among the troops or among the commanders. being the physically inactive me, it's no surprise that i am among the troops.

well, i don't think i'll write too much about the training here. there's nothing really interesting about it. it's a pity that all of my friends during my "active" days were scheduled off to go back to camp on different months. so i get to network a bit and make new friends (or acquaintances).

i'll post some stuff here and then.

out with a dirty scar

2010-11-28T15:19:00.000+08:00

my short break is ending. i can safety say that i have set out to complete all of the tasks i set for myself except for one and a half tasks. here is my checklist.

1. call up my reservist unit to find out about the ICT... done!
2. get a non-camera phone and prepare stuff for my in camp training... done! (except for a passport size photo which i will leave it to tomorrow after work)
3. call up ICA to get my dad's passport... done!
4. cleared out old mails (bills and etc.) that i have accumulated for the past one year... done! (it took me one whole afternoon and one whole morning. it never used to take this long.)
5. finish up my business plan... still installing...
6. audit the energy consumption at home... not yet done (i totally forgot about this until this morning. imagine my horror!)

i will be leaving items 5 and 6 until the ICT period when i am stuck in the camp and have nothing to do but wait. at least this is what i've heard. people spend time in there waiting, networking, or just doing their own stuff. my friends suggested to me that i should bring in something to do, like a book to read or what not.

but being me, i just love to rot. it's an oxymoron, but i think i am the most productive when i am at my most relaxed state. and i haven't uploaded any photos from my PNG trip. i am going to do that another time, since i don't have my pictures with me now.

taking a break

2010-11-21T16:47:00.000+08:00

i'm taking a break off work this coming wednesday to sunday. it's a needy break from work to be in tune with my spiritual self. ok, just kidding. i just need time to do my personal activities, such as my long delayed business plan for my game design business, finding out how my reservist term will be like and if i can book out of camp for my company D&D, catch up with friends after returning from PNG, even out my tan from PNG, and at other times, stay home and be a good boy. and perhaps i will go to a match making centre. this last thing on my agenda is not confirmed.

anyways, i can't believe that the year is coming to an end. there's barely 5 weeks left until the end of 2010, and i felt that i haven't really ended 2009. it seemed like yesterday when i just went to vietnam with daz for a holiday.

time flies. it is flying so quickly that i feel i can barely catch up with it. i wish i can feel time moving more slowly and enjoy what i am doing currently. there's been a lot going on with me, from adapting to my new job (which believe me, was a painful process to come to think of it) to having grandma in and out of the hospital (safely, thank goodness). there was also shit with me going on with the government (for not going for some remedial physical training). and just losing myself at times (sorry to all who have seen and bear the wrath of my crazy self).

it seems a bit too early to reflect on the happenings this year, but believe me, the year will end sooner than we can feel it. it's a bit strange.

i'd like to hear from people who feel that this year has been a slow year for them:)... then perhaps i can know how i can slow myself down to embrace the time (for all equal) which has been given to me.

be back soon

2010-11-17T07:19:00.000+08:00

i can't believe this but i am returning to singapore tomorrow. time really flies. it's been nine days since i am here in PNG and as it was for the work trips i had before. they are not entirely fun.

there is just a distinct difference when you are travelling on a holiday and when you are travelling for work.

and to top things up, the tagline for the hotel where i am staying at is "Relax, it's Holiday Inn". it certainly didn't help to make me feel better.

anyways, i am sitting here in my room and waiting for my agent's call to meet up for some final discussion before we all return to singapore. as i mentioned in my previous post, the two islands we visited are very different. but work is work, and i am in no position (being just the technical person) to decide where i want to build things. that's for the sales team to decide, and the politicians to wager.

i was reflecting (again) on this work trip. somehow visiting PNG made me think a lot. it opened my eyes to many things, which i never knew existing. had i come to PNG with any expectations, i would be greatly disappointed. for a country so poor, the cost of living is no less than how it is in Singapore. i know there are ways the poor survive here, not by begging or stealing, and i have to say i pretty admire the way they do so.

of course there are some who go the illegal way, and that has become an industry by itself - robbers and security guards. i was pretty surprised that even restaurants locked themselves up during opening hours and allowing only people who are eating in the restaurants to enter. it is how safe the capital is.

i think things are better (slightly or more) in the rural areas. at least the people there have natural resources (in terms of food; they don't really have water and electricity) to feed themselves so that don't need to rob or steal that much.

so in a nutshell, PNG is a place where the cost of living has moved on in time but not its infrastructural development. there are both nice and not nice people here, just like any other place in the world. with some caution and common sense, things will work out for foreigners like me here.

PNG almost one week

2010-11-13T18:07:00.000+08:00

i've finished visiting the two sites that i am tasked with on this work trip today. but i'm still staying here (Papua New Guinea) until thursday because there're meetings (with the local government and contractors) to attend.

the two places i went were very different from each other. other than being an island, with the sun and the sand and the sea, there's nothing much the same between these two islands.

on the first island i went, the people were more friendly. they were really poor because the only way they could get money is by sending educated children out overseas or to the towns and cities to work and send money back. comparing the second island to the first, they were much luckier. educated children stay in the island and fish. they get money from selling fish in a city nearby.

i can't understand fully why the situation is so different in these two places but what i can understand is if we were to work on projects to help the islanders, i would prioritise the first island over the second one.

so it seems that way. but it's very likely that we'll end up helping the two.

ok, i think this is all i have now. internet in PNG is bloody expensive here, worse than in singapore. in fact, the fuel prices here in PNG is as expensive as in singapore, despite being a oil and gas exporter.

it's crazy.

weekend meet up

2010-11-07T07:47:00.000+08:00

i met my primary school friends last night. they were all either attached or got married. i was the ONLY one left on the shelf (or maybe not on the shelf cause i haven't put myself up on sale).

well, i guess it's life. it was nice meeting them and talking with them about how i was bullied in primary school, how they are doing these days (when i found out i am pretty much the only one again in the engineering job; the closest is another girl who is a QS), how much about parentage and how one of them is migrating to finland.

actually the meet up is a result of the girl who is migrating to finland. she got married to a finnish.

hmm.. time flies. i was a bit hesitant about going to this outing at first but i am glad i went anyways. it's good to see everyone again after all these years (about 10++ years).

maplestory

2010-11-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

it's a game that i stopped playing about 2 years ago after the novelty wore off. but i downloaded the game just now and tried playing it again.

it's refreshing and the free MMORPG have gained many new features. however, i found myself getting lost in the game and not knowing what to do. it's normal for me to feel this way because i haven't been playing it for a long time.

and sadly, because of the new features in the game, it kind of turned me off. it's just too different from the MapleStory i used to know.

so i only played for an hour.

i will, however, try it again sometime later, after i return from Papau New Guinea.

Going away again

2010-11-04T18:59:00.001+08:00

I've two good reasons to why I think Japanese women are suitable for me. First, they cook well. Second, they allow their husbands to be away from home for long work trips.

Anyways, yes. I am going away for ten days soon. My last work trip cost me one of my tuition assignments and I lost about 300 dollars due to my work trip to the Maldives. This time, I am going to papua new guinea and my loss will be only 60 bucks. Thats besides the point actually.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm a slave to money. I'm not exactly sure of this myself. I'm often caught up in my own world that I neglect the people around me. Time never seemed enough for me to pay attention to my family and friends, not to mention my games and business plan. I'm not een sure if I can complete my business plan by the end of the year as scheduled.

Anyhow, I'm leaving for papua new guinea on Monday. I'll be away for 10days and I hope nothing happens when I'm away. My family usually has 'events' when I am not around. I hope no events happen when I'm away this time.

Ok, I'll end here for now.

my naivety

2010-10-20T07:47:00.000+08:00

i realise of the sudden that i always tend to put things simply in my head. there are good and bad things about this side of me.

the good thing is probably i never worry about anything because i always think things the simplest way. and not complicating issues tend to make myself more efficient because i'll do the things that i set out to immediately.

however, the bad thing is i may not be as an effective person if i keep thinking simple. i may miss out details that will cost me dearly and unless lady luck comes to me, i'll waste a lot of time and resources in the things i do.

anyways, i have been talking to a few people about starting a business. some people think it wouldn't work, but there are others who are excited about my idea. there are also people who are doubtful of it.

and i realise that i shouldn't think simple in this case because starting a business requires time, effort, money and strategy. i don't want to waste a chance that i will probably have only once in a lifetime.

friday meet-up

2010-10-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

i went out with my ex-colleagues on friday night. it was nice meeting up with them and catching up on how things are in my old workplace.

i found out that more people have left the company and there are only 3 people in my old team who are still working there.

it's a strange feeling that i am having. they're asking me if there's anyone i can recommend to go into the job. i know people who need jobs and i suppose i can. but knowing how the company functions, and after all i left having because of my disappointment in the management and money, i don't think i will recommend anyone else into the company.

anyways, i've decided. i won't do engineering after my current job. it's just not my calling. if things go smoothly, i'll be my own boss. if not, i'll go into business administration & management/ human resource/ communications.

some random thoughts

2010-10-10T19:51:00.000+08:00

Its been sometime since I returned from the maldives. This weekend went on pretty fast. Tomorrow I'll be facing something for some ridiculous thing that I've done.

I hope things will be alright.

weekend partially without work

2010-10-06T18:19:00.000+08:00

it's a weekend here in Mal'e, Maldives. I thought i'd be free from work all day today except for doing up a report and some sketching on the systems that i am installing on one island.

it was good, i did up the report but halfway through my client from the island where i have just left called me. there wasn't as much water coming out from the new machine compared to the one from the old machine. it totally spoilt my mood. i thought my colleague and i have solved the problem and everyone is happy but it didn't turn out so.

anyways, that's work. i have done some thinking and guessing, and am going to discuss with my bosses in singapore to see what can or can not be done. i don't want to leave things hanging in the air. not like my style.

well, enough about work. it's the weekend and i'm not maldivian (their weekend is actually on friday and half a saturday) and i'm planning to do something on the streets today. maybe walk around and see if i can find something new here.

actually Mal'e is a lot like Nice. the first impression on reaching the shores of Mal'e is that it's all dark. of course it is because it was night time. but the next morning i woke up and my colleague brought me around the island capital and i realised that things are different from what i thought. they are really like europe. i felt i am in europe, for a moment there.

ok, i'll show more pictures here.

this is one section of the capital where the beach is, and artists of the wild:)...

i thought i would get hungry looking at these creatures, but they are so thin!! think they do not have a lot of meat.

this is the tsunami monument.

a flooded field, aftermath of the rains from the night before.

on Maldives

2010-10-01T10:47:00.000+08:00

i thought i wouldn't have a chance to go to the Maldives so soon. it's because i kept giving my bosses the impression that i didn't want to go there (i did this because my weekend tuition brings me more vitamins than the allowances i get from the trip) and i screw up un-intentionally at work at times. moreover, i am lacking in experience.

nonetheless, here i am writing this post in the Maldives.

once again, my first work trip (the previous one to Kuala Lumpur doesn't count as it was for training) is a "lose money" trip for the company (history repeats itself again). it is because i am here mainly because of one project that needs troubleshooting and they need someone to write a more complete report.

this is how the heart of the airport looks like - an open air canteen. pretty retro place that gives a tinge of singapore in the 80s, the things here are pretty expensive.

just these two bottles cost me a whopping 77 Rf (about 7 usd). never buy stuff at the airport. it's only for the rich tourists.

the PSA of Mal'e. a small busy port that sits itself in a corner of the island and it always buzzling with activity... or maybe not.

i was lucky to have a colleague who is like a tour guide coming with me on this trip. he brought me around the island capital and this is the fruits market.

and the vegetable market

and a letter post

ok, i do admit the photos looked like they are photoshop products. i don't know he takes pictures. but its nice. i'll end here for now and will be updating soon when i have more time. after all, it's a work trip and i have, seriously, been busy with work!

werk, werk... brb soon in SG!!

a bitter sweet feeling

2010-09-14T19:19:00.000+08:00

i went to a green building expo today. don't ask me why i went. my colleagues and i were searching for solar panel supplier (in the end we found one) but while i was there i saw my old clients.

they were a bunch of fun people to work with, but i had to leave them halfway through the project because i was going over to Vietnam for a holiday and coming over to my current job. it was a bitter sweet feeling meeting them because i was feeling guilty about leaving the project halfway when i had in mind to finish the project properly for them. at the same time, i was feeling happy that i got to see them again and congratulate them on clinching the first green mark platinum award in singapore for existing commercial building.

i tried searching for that (platinum award) exhibit in the exposition but i could not manage to find it.

anyways, the past is passed. i'll leave this here for now.

Long weekend

2010-09-14T06:14:00.002+08:00

[edit: this entry was supposed to be uploaded yesterday morning]
I had one of the best weekends last weekend. It was a long weekend when Friday was public holiday. What I did on Friday was to r&r at home, then went hari raya visiting on Saturday and Sunday. Had tuition on both days as well and met up with my army friends for a vegetarian lunch on sunday.
It was a good break from work.
Now as I am on my way to work I'm kinda feeling a little bit blue. But being refreshed helps.
Anyhow, I had shown my business plan to a friend who raised up pretty important points which I missed out. And surprisingly my army friends are pretty interested in talking about setting up business. I guess there are different groups of people and some happen to be castle builders like me:)..
I've a schedule now; I've a direction to follow. I don't know if it'll lead me to where I want to be in future, but I'm just looking forward and heading there. You'll never know until you try.
Ok, that's enough from me here. Great weekend and hopefully a great week ahead!

Grandma is finally home

2010-09-05T19:30:00.001+08:00

Yup, the hospital called today and we brought grandma home. I'm pretty relieved that she's finally back, and I was pretty much crying tears of joy.

It's only the beginning for her road to recovery. She's got a deep wound due to the operation and her stitches will be removed this thursday. The bills will come next, and this is one of the rare times that I'm grateful to the government for keeping our money for us because without this, we won't be able to pay for her hospitalization and surgery.

She still has 9 kinds of 'sweets' to take each day, and though she can walk, she can't move around too much. It'll be difficult on my mom who's not so well herself to have to take care of grandma, but I hope seriously the two ladies will pull through this period. It actually helps that dad is not working, so he can contribute to take care of grandma as well.

Anyways, I've sent out my business plan to two people. I don't know if it's good enough to pitch a deal with them. I hope they would provide me with some feedback even if they decide not to take part in this venture.

Unfortunately, I don't have the resources in people, i.e. people who know flash and wants to take part in setting up a business. And only able to work on weekends makes things complicated.

I hope I can achieve something by the end of this year, at least forming a team of three.

Alright, this is all I have here.

A week without her

2010-09-04T08:20:00.001+08:00

It's been a week and two days since grandma got hospitalized for hernia in the intestines. Life's been pretty lonely without her around. Even though she'll usually be asleep by the time I get home on weekdays and even though I don't see her much on weekends when I go out, it does make a lot of difference for when she's home and when she isn't.

Anyways, she is recovering well. She could eat something starting Thursday but she ate too much and got pain in the wounded area, so the doctor stopped feeding her yesterday. She looked well but tired when I was in the hospital; it's taking a toll on her I guess.

Well, I hope my grandma fully recovers soon. Missing her much!!

misunderstood

2010-08-27T21:13:00.000+08:00

besides this post, i'd just like to say that my grandma's operation is a success and she's on the road to recovery. i'm so thankful for this.

so today i talked to my bosses about my future, in career terms. apparently, i approached it wrongly and it led them to think that i'm planning to leave the company.

i was really just trying to get their feedback on my performance and suitability for the job.

but i learned one thing from my conversation with them. it may be too risky to channel your time fully to set up a business, why don't you do it on a part time basis?

i guess talking to them helped.

before i sleep

2010-08-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

it's funny when you hear the saying "it never rains but pours". somehow, i find living a chore these days. things haven't been the least smooth since i took up my maiden project at work after feb this year. i realise that as i was looking back at how things were since the start of the year.

other than feeling that i am in apt for my current job, due to my inability to finish the project for months since it's past due. and that i have been making silly mistakes at work, not knowing my core job (i.e. design stuff). then comes my inability to find a girlfriend, for which is a silly but i think timely resolution i made during feb this year (it was around the chinese new year period). and now, things are starting to get worse.

i realise the lack of love and the stinging project i am having is just the prelude.

i am getting into trouble with the law (for failure to perform an obligation) and my grandma just got warded in hospital.

she's going for an operation tomorrow, for which i hope will save her. it's (i know for a fact) a make or break thing. at least i'm comforted by the fact that she is feeling much better after getting warded.

to put things simply, her intestines fell out of place and it caused her to have serious constipation for the past one week. when she was warded just now, the doctors gave her a miraculous anal recipe (pardon my vulgarity) which flushed her bowels out almost immediately. it relieved her of the pain that she has been suffering for the past one week. but she can't have any food until her operation is over.

i don't know how risky it is her operation tomorrow. but i know the doctor is going to cut a portion of her intestines out so that they can fit back into her body. as a biology student, i know that there is a high risk of serious blood loss, and having a weak heart doesn't help in this situation.

and there's another one problem i have in the family. my mom's depression. it's not obvious but i can see from her behavior - constantly repeating a certain action, e.g. hand washing and dish washing, worrying about bacteria on the dishes, thinking that detergent is poisonous and refuses to use them (she replaces them with a certain type of detergent which she calls them lemons, and i wonder how the hell she gets this idea), and feeling tired all the time, and not wanting to meet up with people she knows. unfortunately, i do not have the finances or the means to bring her to see a shrink. it's just mentally exhausting having to face someone like her after a hard (in mental terms) day at work. and i won't blame her for saying, "Did grandma asked about me when you visited her at the hospital just now?"

sigh... am i ill-fated not to give life up? i know everyone has his or her own problems. i have to take care of my problems myself. it's just that leaving things the way they are isn't something that i want to do. i want to try and do something to change the way things are now.

first, i have to get my work done correctly. i think partly the fact that i am not performing is because i am holding too many different tasks at work now. i am handling projects, doing designs for systems and submitting documents for tender. these things each have their priority. i should and i would start working overtime to make sure that they are done.

second, this means that i will have to minimise my weekday tuition. currently, i have three children to take care of. i teach them on saturdays but for one child, i have to teach her on a weekday. so i have to plan properly which weekday i would less likely to OT at work and have the least disrupt to her and my schedule. i hope she can cope by herself after her prelim exams in 3 weeks' time.

third, i have to review my finances. i have started saving up for the long term for a while now, and it's good to keep that up. but i have debt to pay. there's still about 13 k left of loan to clear. i aim to clear it within two years with some assistance from my year end bonus. there's also my dream of owning a flat and a business. i can only think about that after i settle my debt. i have reviewed my spending, and i would do so constantly to see if i can save more in any way.

fourth, i need money to treat my mom. i think the longer it drags on, the worst it gets. she's not in the state bad enough to see a doctor, and things have remained status quo for a few years now (yup, her hand washing started quite a while back). unfortunately, i do not have the ability to bring her to a specialist yet.

five, i have to exercise. exercise will bring my mood up. i tried to start by waking up early for the past two months. but it didn't seem to work because my brain will tell me that i'm crazy to start exercising so early in the morning. but i am resolved to start tomorrow morning.

i hope with these five ideas in mind, things will brighten up. so i pray for my grandma's operation tomorrow.

On the 63

2010-08-26T09:00:00.001+08:00

Inspired by J Lo's titled album "On the 6", this blog entry is titled "on the 63". Basically it means mr taking bus no. 63 to work.

That's besides the point. I'm just trying to see what I can write on the bus to work, filled with boredom and a short jam en route to entering the workplace zone.

Anyhow, I'm getting late cause my bus is late. I'm reaching the stop soon and I shall stop here.

weighing the pros and cons

2010-08-24T17:15:00.000+08:00

this is the second post for today. i really need to write things out and clear my thoughts. i just called the guy who has the job for a researcher at a local institute and we had a chat about the job position for a while. money wouldn't be the deciding factor if i were to make the switch now.

actually half the reason why i am even thinking about switching jobs (again) is because i realise that i do not have the capacity to perform at my current job. my maiden project is not ending because i do not have the technical expertise to do so. but i have found a way to end things now. i'll need time and a bit of resource to do so though.

and this is where the frustrating part comes. i am also charged with design work at the same time. in fact, design work is my primary job scope. i realise, and have feedback to my manager, that i can't handle projects and having to do design work at the same time. i felt i wouldn't be able to handle it. but he said i would be able to.

i know i can if the projects are smooth sailing, and i have good support from the workshop staff.

unfortunately, the projects are not smooth sailing, and the workshop staff is not very supportive. i don't blame these factors. i realise that the project would have been smooth sailing if i had put in more effort in understanding the way the systems works at the start. then again, it's already over. i'll have to firefight to end the project.

so what now? i chanced upon this research opportunity at a local institute. the salary is probably only 300 dollars better than what i have currently. so if i am making the switch now, it would purely be for the sake of interest, not money.

the research is based on computing and modelling. the fact is this will be of great help to bring me toward my dream in game design. currently, i am learning the soft skills (e.g. project management, costing, negotiation with suppliers and a bit of customer service) needed for setting up a company. but to be in the industry, you need a good entry point. what's the use of a design engineer doing game design?

actually it could be just the creative part - the idea of designing.

i think need a bit of time to think about this. i know doing research will mean the end of my life, because the only way to continue on is to do more research, follow the academia path, or set up your own business.

i am so determined to decide by the end of this week.

in such a bad mood

2010-08-24T15:44:00.000+08:00

the moral in my office is really low. people are under a lot of stress and its not just in my department alone that my manager (and the rest of us) is loaded with work. the sales team is getting questioned by the management for their performance as well.

anyhow, my moral is also very low now, that i have been affected by my manager and people from the sales team. it irritates me after i took so much on my own to boost my moral up (by chanting that i love my job every morning i go to work).

* note: that method of chanting and self psychology works on me

i don't know what to do. the best is to see how things will end up first. and i am determined to finish off the projects i have on hand, after i am done with my design work.

should i go back to school?

2010-08-19T23:30:00.001+08:00

just on monday, a good old friend of mine called me and told me about this opportunity to do research at a local institution. they were looking for fresh graduates but i having two years (or almost two years) of working experience should qualify as well.

it presents an opportunity to go on further studies (a PhD program to be exact) in environmental studies, and should pay better than my current pay. it can be from 10% to 40% increment from what i am getting currently.

somehow i feel that heaven is kind of making fun of me. when i took up my current job, i made a resolution not to switch jobs within the next three years. and it pains me to have an opportunity, one which has more vitamin M to fuel my final goal of setting up a business, presenting itself to me at this juncture in time.

i am the worst, i feel. somehow.

i really missed school life, still. nonetheless. i am in a serious dilemma now. i don't know what i should do, or what am i doing thinking about leaving my current job. i hate it. honestly.

this opportunity gives me a two year work contract with the research institute, and a fully funded PhD program. i am not sure how the details work out. i think i will need to carefully think things through this weekend, before i answer my friend.

argh.

anyways, i am not even sure if i can get into this opportunity even if i apply for it. so we shall see.

sunday evening

2010-08-15T20:14:00.000+08:00

it's monday tomorrow. there's work and i am starting to feel the blues already. it's been a long time since i felt this way. i've mostly been excited towards work (believe it or not) but lately, i guess i'm just mentally drained. so that's why i'm feeling sick towards work tonight.

anyways, i have sorted out most of my thoughts. life goes on nonetheless. i just have to take one step at a time, and try to achieve my goals in the most sensible way possible.

writing therapy

2010-08-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

i realise that other than eating, sleeping, playing pool and playing on my playstation 3, there is one other thing that helps me unwind. it's simply writing it out. i was pretty active in using this method when i was in secondary school. it stopped sometime in the middle when i was using other means to vent my frustrations and depression. but now it's back again.

this entry is about work. i haven't have any feedback on my performance from my superiors since i started work in the company. though my GM heard good feedback from other people who'd been working with me, i don't feel that i am performing up to the standard.

a good friend once said that when it comes to work, it matters how you carry yourself and portraying that you can and you are in control of whatever things you have to do, even though you may not know how to do it. i know this well enough, and i can say that i have been doing it. however, given that it has been 5 months since i started work on this project (and having another project which i took over halfway near completion), i get very demoralised. it's so bad to the extent that i really don't feel like working on this project anymore.

to make matters worse, my bosses have started to chip in their few cents worth (which i seriously appreciate) and my client is starting to nickpick on the stuff on site. misunderstandings are starting to surface too. for instance, i just realised after going to site today that my client has an audit on next Monday. and there are leakages that needed to be repaired. i think that was what he was trying to tell me last week but i failed to understand his needs. so now he's really mad and hope things get settled by Monday. i couldn't refuse even though the equipment was leaking before they were moved over. i had photos but i failed to remind my client in black and white at the start of the project.

anyways, i hope the problem of leakages get settled by tomorrow. there is some plan available. i just hope it works.

it's sad that i have to mention this. i realise that i don't enjoy doing engineering work. it took me two jobs to realise this. i am even starting to wonder if i have the aptitude to take up an engineering job. i hope i would get a chance to talk to my boss and find out what he thinks about me and my work.

starcraft 2

2010-08-12T07:46:00.000+08:00

the game finally arrive yesterday. i was expecting to see something else in my mail box but the game was just there. it caught me off guard.

the problem is though my system met the minimum requirements, it didn't meet the recommended requirements and i couldn't play the game on my computer. it would load but i couldn't play the in game videos and after 5 minutes into the custom game, the screen hanged.

there is only one possibility. my system processes are using too much resources so the game couldn't run. i have decided to wait till all three games are out before upgrading my desktop, so now i'll either tweak my hardware (overclocking) or tweak my desktop software.

well, no review for this game for now!

The fear of it running in the family

2010-08-11T07:49:00.001+08:00

Most likely, this would be the last of the set of posts which I have put up within the past few days as I pen down my frustration. There's seemingly no end to this, after wave and wave of incessant depressive hormones flowing through my body, I realize that this may just be a family curse.
That people in my family gets depressed easily.
It was from my mom's side actually. From what I know, half of her siblings have some form of depression. I know my cousins don't have, but I doubt I am as fortunate as them after thinking back on my actions and behavior. I realise that my thoughts tend to wonder a lot, and most times especially of late, I get lost in them.
I'm really scared. I don't know what the future holds. I don't embrace the uncertainty that I have to face here. And when I start trying to dream of my future at night, I realize that I can't do that anymore.
It's terrible. I don't even understand why I am pouring my feelings out to people whom I may not even know. Perhaps there aren't people who I can talk to. Then I began to realize that I can't vocalise my problems. I think some of my friends notice I've changed, and there are problems that I realize I don't understand them myself.
I'm snapping out from this round of depression. The last it happened was ten years back when I was in secondary school. I thought I'd not get the same feeling again but I am.
I just pray.

thinking out loud

2010-08-10T22:22:00.004+08:00

i guess i really don't feel good. i just need some platform to vent out my frustrations and ideas so i am here blogging again. it's a tool that has becoming common of late for me to say my grouses and in some ways, it's a pretty pathetic platform.

i mean, who likes to hear someone else's grouses anyways?

i don't know who will end up reading this, especially when my blog has been defunct for a few weeks and probably when i write the past few entries no one would be checking my blog. it don't matter anyways. it's because that i have mentioned things here, that it has served its purpose.

so tonight i got reminded of my first project in the new company and it not ending. how did things end up this way? i should really list down the things that have happened to my project for the past 7 months, and dissect the problems which caused a 2-month project to be dragged on over 7 months.

feb 2010 - project planning starts

mar 2010 - project starts

april through may 2010 - project is on schedule

may 2010 - project speed slows down

this is where the first problem started. because i was busy with my office work (my primary role is an application engineer, not a project engineer), i neglected looking after the progress of the work done on site.

june 2010 - project sped up and caught up with schedule; client has issues with contractor due to work safety practices.

this is when i have help from my GM and after some mild scolding, things moved faster. in fact, the completion was within reach.

end june 2010 - major project works were completed. this is when problems start to pop up. instruments which we shifted over were not working well. some alarms for the systems were not working well - my electrical technicians have apparently connected some wires wrongly. some of the valves started failing. a few instruments were installed in the wrong places. not enough materials to join the instruments to the control panel. systems not tested properly.

i'd spent the first two weeks of july troubleshooting the systems and finally handing over the bulk of the equipment to the client. the second half of july was spent waiting for the supplier of the instruments sending me cables which i needed to install some of the instruments which i missed out earlier. it was only last week that the instruments were put back online.

come to think of it, i realise these problems came from one root source. i didn't check the instrumentation and control (i.e. operation) of the systems at the beginning before i shifted the equipment.

i don't know if i should blame the lack of guidance for this, or just myself for not understanding the system enough at the start of the project. i thought what was important was to understand how the piping runs within the system and it would be sufficient to manage the project.

actually there's more to it. you have to understand how the system is being operated, how the instruments which controls the systems work, and what should be done to preserve the instruments when they have to shift from one place to another.

it's too late for me to mention these things now. all i can say is i know what i ought to do if i have a similar project next time. and i know my bosses will give me a low grade for my work since they have started to step in to help me on this project. it doesn't make me feel good. and i felt it's a bit too late for them to show concern on this project.

there's only one last hurdle to overcome before this project finishes. i have still one set of equipment to hand over to the client, and if nothing goes wrong, i should be able to do so by latest next week.

honestly, i feel tired of living. but it's not about this project. there's just too much, too many things for me to take. i am really lacking the strength to carry on. gaming, venting it out on my blog, sleeping and even eating don't help. it sucks. i get so screwed up. zero motivation.

ok, enough of my gibberish. got to sleep. have work tomorrow.
(edit: after one night of sleep I felt much better)

Mobile blogging at home

2010-08-09T22:21:00.001+08:00

I'm at home but I'm still blogging via my mobile phone. I think i just enjoy the sheer ease of using the phone to blog. You don't have to spend time switching on the computer, waiting for the system to load, connect to the internet, then realize that you have writers block or you get distracted by other things on your computer, then you shut it down before you know it.
Anyways, today's holiday, national day in Singapore. The fireworks lasted 4 min and 5 sec, symbolising the nation's 45th birthday.
The fireworks this year is slightly better than last year's but because of the location where they were put up, the broadcast didn't give a good view of it.
Well, I guess this ends my gibberish for now. I've an important phone call to make tomorrow morning, and I hope all goes well!

Venting it out

2010-08-08T12:22:00.001+08:00

I really like this new blogger tool that I have downloaded for free on my iPhone. It makes blogging a lot easier and being mobile, more attractive to pen my thoughts down.
After this morning's entry, I thought I should make it clear that I'm just venting things out. Whatever happens, life goes on. You can't run away from problems that surface. It's part and parcel of life. I learnt this the hard way, almost at the expense of other peoples lives.
That's all in the past. I'm still messed up, but I'll pick things up one by one, bit by bit. And except for my love life, I know what I ought to do about the problems I have here. Things may not end the way I wanted them to end, but it's worth trying.
Anyhow, I still feel like I haven't got everything off my chest. I don't know if I am being too self centred here. I guess I am because I won't be blogging only about myself. I'll take one step at a time.
I think there'll be more random posts on this blog from now on.

Missing something

2010-08-08T08:55:00.001+08:00

I have to admit that I am currently not in the best stage of my life. It's not just work (having projects that seemed to take forever to finish), and love life (I have none), now I may get into trouble with the government.
It's been a depressing 3 months I had since May. I think it all began when I was being called into the office at work and being asked why isn't my project completed.
Then things were a bit better thereafter being questioned. I hastened the project and after that, things picked up for a little.
But it didn't last long. My contractor got into problem with the client due to work safety issues. Then it was followed by problems with the instruments I had with the systems. After that, the valves started breaking down. And the controllers for the systems were installed wrongly. Till now, I am still having problems with some instruments. But that should be solved soon, I hope.
What else is wrong with my life? Actually there isn't anything. But I free spiritually detached from this world. I can't understand what is going on through my mind. And I can't seem to snap myself out of it.
Just last month, I've been starting to go for compulsory remedial training by the army for failing my physical proficiency test last year. This is where my trouble with the government starts. I missed more sessions than allowed by the system, and now I can't move to the next phase of the training.
There are many things that can happen. I can get charged, fined or be sentenced to both. Or if they are merciful, and I would promise that I won't do it again and be a good boy, probably they'll let me repeat the whole thing again from start. I won't mind doing that though.
Anyways, there's nothing much I can do about this is there? I can call the authority up and try to explain things to them. This is all I can do for now.
Then there's my love life issue. The issue is there isn't any. And somewhat, I am beginning to enjoy singlehood. This is a sign showing that I may just be single for good.
This isn't all actually. I'm also giving tuition for money to pay my debt and plans for my future. I do take pride in making sure my students do well. The satisfaction is there. But there is no satisfaction when my kids don't perform. And it's tough to cheer them up when you know their standard isn't there and you're running out of methods to help them.
I feel pretty messed up now. Just messed up. I should have been more careful with the choices I make in life and these things that I mention above could have been avoided. There's no point in regretting or mulling over them now. I'll just have to see what I can do about it.
I need to scream out loud. Now as I'm reaching home, I'll need to explain to my grandma what happened. Sigh...

another entry, another weekend

2010-08-07T10:45:00.000+08:00

i have been caught up by things that happens around me for the past few weeks that i haven't done any posts on this blog for a long long time.

just today, it rained. and because it did, my plans for the morning were cancelled. so i have a bit of free time here and i decide to blog instead of doing something else.

but what should i write about? lately, i realise that though i still dream about things a lot, i simply do not have the inspiration to write about something. an entry about my inspiration (or the lack of) may seem strange but this is probably the topic this time.

i guess there are just times in life when you are not so motivated because you haven't set yourself a goal which you can see in the short term. therefore, you are not inspired to do something.

when i was schooling, it was about exams and projects. there was something to look forward to. something that needs to be done, and something that needs to be completed. so in a sense you have a deadline to meet, a target to reach. it's supposed to be the same with work but i don't seem to be motivated. i did want to complete whatever work that i have on hand, and do it with zest, spirit and professionalism. it's usually done this way anyways.

i don't have a good idea to finish this entry. but i'll leave things the way they are here. i think it's partly because i am coughing so whatever fleeting thoughts i had were coughed out of my mind.

ok, nevermind my gibberish.

doing something about something that i have been wanting to do

2010-07-24T08:41:00.000+08:00

there are some things that i have been saying that i want to do, and there are other things that i haven't been saying but i want to do as well. i just need a place to organise my thoughts and get things in order. it happens when you are getting old and you can't just process everything in your mind.

just today, i checked again the amount of debt that i owe due to my studies. i have finally cleared the interest that have accumulated since i borrowed that amount this month. but that's like the 5th or 6th month since i started paying off my debt. it's depressing having something to debt every month knowing that it's for the things that you have done before. i just HATE living on credit. it's not a nice feeling. and interest kills. i have an additional 28 dollars going to the interest every month which could have helped me pay for a basic phone subscription.

i really want to clear my debt as soon as possible. i am squeezing my belt more (though not for gaming) to see how much further i can save by the end of the year so i can use the extra cash to pay more of the debt off.

and the other thing is about getting games. star craft 2 is coming out in 3 days. i have decided if my desktop were able to run this game with a decent performance, i would get the game now. otherwise, i would wait for all three games in the trilogy to be released so i can upgrade my desktop to the best that i can and buy all three games at the later time. there's nothing much to do about this except for waiting for the game to be released. other titles on the list are console games, like Birth by Sleep.

and there are two more things left, but i would prefer not to organise it here. they are more long term goals.

Passion?

2010-07-16T19:43:00.000+08:00

Passion seemed to be a word that keeps resonating around me of late. To be honest, I don't have much of a clue as to what passion really is. I tell people that I want to do this, and I want to do that. But in the end, I don't really know what I want truly.

Anyways, I guess time will come later for me to realize what passion is about. For now, I'll just drift about and float around.

temperamental

2010-07-10T11:40:00.000+08:00

my desktop is working well again. it's the RAM slots. i knew it'll be the problem. the RAM is the hardest component to install in a system. i'm just grateful that it didn't burn.

so i'm shelving my plans to upgrade my desktop. but with these specs, i wonder if i can play the new StarCraft two that comes out this month.

i'll see what happens later.

desktop revamped

2010-07-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

it's time to upgrade my desktop. it has been around since 2004, when i was in the army. i have done some upgrades almost every year, but lately, it's began to fail on me again. i think the motherboard RAM slot is burnt or something. the computer hangs of the sudden without reason.

so what is my current computer made of?
it has a MSI motherboard c/w Intel Core2 Duo processor (1.8 GHz), Nvidia GeForce 9600GT graphics card, 1 GB ram, 1 SATA hard disk, 1 other hard disk, 1 floppy disk drive, 1 DVD-rom (CD writer), 1 DVD-rom/writer, 450W power supply.

i intend to keep most of items. rather, i'll just upgrade the power supply, motherboard (with processor of course), and put additional RAM into it.

i'll be doing some researching over the next few days to see what i can find.

internet tethering

2010-07-04T13:02:00.000+08:00

internet tethering. this is the term given to using a phone to access the internet via the telecom cellular data network.

i've always known that phones can be used to connect people to the internet, just like how the original modem works in the first place.

surprisingly, as i am using an iPhone to connect to the internet now, i'm pleasantly surprised by how good this technology has become.

it used to be really slow, in the connection, for the computer to access the internet through the handphone. now, as i am writing this and using the phone to visit some websites, the connection speed isn't slow at all. it's comparable to my broadband connection. and i think this is the power of 3G. sadly, this speed isn't working as well on the phone. i think it's because the phone's processing power limits the rate of data transfer.

anyways, there are things to note before you even think about plugging in your phone to connect to the internet.

the charges will skyrock your bills if you exceed the data usage limit. i have 12 GB per month, but i only dare to try this today because it's the end of the month for calculating the data usage.

ok, now i know what to do when i need internet on the move.

it's about time to write something again

2010-06-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

i guess i haven't been writing for a long time. i've been busy with work lately and it's just taking too much out of me for the moment to write about something that i want to.

anyways, this will be a short entry.

i'm just making one for the sake of making one here.

rivalry on a macro scale

2010-06-19T08:41:00.000+08:00

even though this topic that i am writing reflects bad on my company, i have to because it's a very interesting phenomenon that i observed on my side. and i guess it won't harm anyone or anything for that matter because no names are mentioned.

so my company was a small and medium enterprise for 30 years when suddenly, the owner decides to sell it off. now it has been taken over by a MNC (it's already so when i joined this company) the management style is different.

we are still in transition from the SME management to the MNC management. there are significant differences to this but i will share them when i feel like it another time.

because we are considered a subsidary, the local division company usually won't give a damn about us. however, because of the nature of our business, being so different from the businesses that the MNC have always engage in, we are gaining attention. people want our products.

then comes the via-ing for attention stage when different branch offices of the same division around the world starts sending in requests for proposals because they are keen on selling our products. there are opportunities in many places.

so i guess this has made our local branch office (the MNC office, not my company), a little bit neglected. and somehow, their demands are more demanding than the requests from other branch offices.

and when we can't meet the requirements of the local office but instead have done so for another branch office, they accused us of favoritism.

i wonder what will happen when my boss and the branch office head meets on monday. it's going to be interesting.

evolution of games

2010-06-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

its a lazy sunday morning and i didn't have anything on. after completing the main game story for Resonance of Fate, i decided to surf through the game demos and see what i can find on the Playstation Store.

it turned out that i found three interesting demos, two were downloaded a few months back but i only try them now. and i downloaded one new demo.

The Last Guy
this is an evolution of pac-man where you're supposed to gather people instead of eating up chips and hide away from zombies instead of octopuses.

and the images that this game brings is stunning. you really get a bird's eye satellite view of real cities around the world where they are supposedly invaded by zombies. some may question if the satellite imaging hinders the gameplay - i mean, if you are able to spot your avatar on the fanciful screen. but it's not at all bad. the game is easy to catch on, and with screaming people in the background as sound effects, it sure makes you breathe heavy and jump on your seat.

and having cool gadgets to help you see where the zombies are certainly aids you in your quests.

hints are given as well.

so this is the experience i gathered from the demo. 4/5

FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa
this is a new demo which i downloaded for the sake of trying to get myself into the world cup mood. i am not a fan of football, but i enjoy blitzball (from FF10) and though it may trigger my interest in ball games. still, after playing half a match in this demo, i stopped. here are some pics from the Internet, courtesy of GameSpot.com.

yup, this is the World Cup trophy. the game tries to produce the "snowing" effect but square enix has done it much better in final fantasy 13. but i have yet to find a picture online (too bad i haven't taken a picture while playing the game) for a comparison.

the game graphics isn't an improvement from the previous iterations of the soccer game. it's similar to winning eleven from the PS2, which is a bummer. but i guess within the short amount of time they have to prepare this game, it's understandable. asides, you don't need superb graphics to score goals, do you?

after all, it is the World Cup, so the calender marks the matches and events. but this is not available in the demo version. and for the demo version, you can only try out one match in certain stadium in europe. i was surprised but you can find soccer teams from all over the world in the demo, including Singapore.

3/5

Crystal Defenders

from the makers of final fantasy, crystal defenders is like the full game spin off from ladder games in StarCraft and WarCraft. there are twists to the game (W2 and W3) which the demo does not show. it costs S$13.09 to buy the game, but i have decided to keep my hands off it because i know i won't be too attracted to this game.

so basically you are to defend the crystals (which you don't see) by preventing the horde of enemies passing through from one side of the field to the other. there are six warrior types for your to choose from but in the demo, you only experience 3 of them.

and some units supposedly have superpowers that can be unleashed.

the game is under downloadable content from the PlayStation Store. demo rating, i'd give 3/5 because it just tempts you to buy the full game. i don't know what will be surprising in the full game, but GameSpot Critic reviews give the full game a 5.4.

tempted to go

2010-06-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

there are three major game shows around the world that i have been wanting to go to. one is in the States, known as the E3 (ok, this one has a pretty bad record for 2007/2008 so i'm leaving it to the last for now). second is in Japan, the Tokyo Game Show. third would be in europe, known as Games Convention (GamesCom).

this year, it is from 19 August to 22 August. and having just found out that the exchange rate for euros is 1.69 euros to 1 sing dollar, i felt really tempted to go there.

how ah??

just some random thoughts

2010-06-06T19:05:00.001+08:00

i was checking my cpf account statement to see how much money i still owe for my studies. and it's depressing every time i do so because i'm still paying the interest instead of the principal amount.

anyways, i am only into my third month of repayment. there is still about 4 years (according to my estimation) of monthly installments before i can finish paying it all.

the payback for university education isn't very good, is it?

it's depressing every time i think about this. and to think that i had wanted to stop giving tuition when i started work full time. but i am earning more per hour giving tuition than i am at work. i need the extra money to supplement my spending. so that is why i am still continuing on giving part time tuition.

i really need to think through how to better use my money and build up my financial fortress. ok, "fortress" may seem too big a word to use here, but the bottomline is i don't want to keep on being a slave of the circumstances that i am in just because i don't have a comfortable number in my bank account.

anyways, i am moving on somewhere. i wasted one year last year, just as i realise, not saving any money. this year, 5 months have passed and i managed to accumulate 4 digits (ok, this isn't a big achievement but it's good improvement from 2 digits) in my piggy bank.

ok, i sound pathetic mentioning this. but what does it matter? i'm keeping up the work and it's time to move on to see how i can reach the next level in the shortest time.

all done in a day

2010-05-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a pretty fruitful day. when i heard from somewhere before that the main difference between people and animals lies in that people live on the ability to communicate and pass information to one another but animals live on the ability to prey on their food, it wasn't so much until i experienced it.

basically, i had two interesting conversations with two different groups of people.

the first was with my new colleague who was previously a manager. when i told her that i quit my last job because i found out that i was paid 1000 dollars less than one of my ex-colleagues, she explained that in the private sector, given if that ex-colleague had 4 years of working experience, jumped ship once, and is able to speak well, it is possible. well, she was a manager, so she knew how things work when it comes to pay. and that people usually get 10% to 15% pay raise when they job hop. and i guess i wasn't short changed when i came to this new job. in any case, i wished i hadn't know that i was paid a thousand dollars less than my ex-colleague. i couldn't function at work after knowing that. but if it were 500 dollars less, i could have accepted it.

then the second conversation i had was with my JC friend and his group of friends yesterday evening when we went out. he is an entrepreneur, and i had my suspicions that last night's outing was pre-arranged. in any case, i talked about my game design studio plans with one of his friends (his friends were all budding entrepreneurs/ media industry workers) and yah, it's a pity that i am shelving my plans for now. but he wouldn't recommend me to shelf it for too long. the interest will die out.

thinking back, i thought it would be interesting to do something that i really want to. having a family to feed and not having a base to fall back on is what that is stopping me. i aim to get my financial status established in 5 years, and then i will be off to do what i want.

there'll be risks involved, but what in life doesn't? i just have to mitigate the risks to the best of my ability.

finally to write something again

2010-05-24T10:25:00.000+08:00

i have been missing in action for a few weeks now. it's because i have been busy with work and games, resonating with fate and trying to keep my contractors at work in obeying site safety rules.

argh.. time is picking up pace again. somewhat 2010 has been a very fast year for me. i am still in the New Year mood but it's already the end of May now. somewhat it coincides with final fantasy 13 in a way that both in the game and in reality, my pace of life has been really fast.

i hope things would change for the second half of the year. maybe it would when i complete resonance of fate, and/or when my project ends in the second week of June.

i need a break. and having an off-in-lieu today for Labour day holiday is helping me a bit.

ok, there isn't much to write on about me for now. R&R!

KL trip

2010-05-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

let the pictures do the talking!!

my colleagues and i who went on the KL trip for a training seminar on wednesday. had dinner at Pavillion!!

KL is pretty japanese-friendly.. out of the few 13 TV channels we had in the hotel, one of them is NHK channel!! and the japanese really like hula dance:)...

the Petronas Twin towers at night (building on the right is the mobile company Maxis office)

Jalan Petaling - chinatown of KL!!

wet market turned arts market - Central Market where my colleague and i go to over the weekend:)..

at a themed restaurant in one of the many shopping malls in KL, where almost all furniture and cutlery is linked to the toilet

i never knew Pulse is an aussie bar. now i know why the japanese got australians to dub the citizens of Pulse in Final Fantasy XIII:)...

indoor theme park - roller coaster within the air-con space!! cool!

jetting off

2010-05-05T07:29:00.000+08:00

just a short post here. am jetting off this afternoon for a training seminar in KL. can't bear to leave my baby (i.e. my project) behind. i know things will be delayed again because i am away. but it'll have to finish next week so that we can move on to the next phase of the project the week after.

ok, i hope to bring back good stuff - food and clothes - and pictures!!

guiding light

2010-04-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

i am glad that i had a conversation with a friend of mine today. we talked about how i am not liking what i am doing currently. it is a long story. basically, the conversation went something like this:

me: ask you something. like what would you do if you feel that you are not good at your job?
him: i'd quit.
--- long pause ---
him: wait, don't tell me that you're thinking of quitting.
me: of course not. like i'd just switched to this job and like i was at my previous one for less than a year. i'll be ruining my career lor.
me again: listen, there's actually a story behind what i'd said. it's like i was hire to be an application engineer but i am working more of a project engineer now. i feel that i don't like managing people and am not good at it, though i am picking it up now.
him: like you want to be a lecturer right? do you know how much management work a lecturer has to do?
--- more conversation in between about how the skills of managing is important ---
me: yah, actually what i'm going through now will help me eventually if i want to be my own boss. and if i don't like managing that much, would i be happy being my own boss?

i guess only time will tell. the bottom line is after having that conversation, i realised that i am taking steps to learn, and learning takes experience, especially when you're not good at it to begin with.

i feel so much better now.

changing dynamics of a workplace

2010-04-25T10:24:00.000+08:00

having to work in a company which is in transition from being a small and medium entreprise to a division of a multi-national company is indeed an exciting experience.

the dynamics of people working in a small company is very different from that in a big one. just one thing i realised over the past few weeks working at my current job, my colleagues are pretty confused about their job roles.

the thing was in the past when the company was small, everyone has to do everything by themselves. so the division of labour was client oriented/ project oriented.

now when we are in transition into a division of a big MNC, the division of labour will have to change from being client/ project oriented to role oriented.

the transition is a very sensitive process, and it's really up to individuals to decide when is the best to do so.

the lazy me

2010-04-24T20:50:00.001+08:00

*edit: then i realised yesterday (4 May 2010) that actually i missed out jobstreet.com - yes, that online resume wasn't updated and people would have thought i'm still a fresh grad looking for jobs. probably that's how and why they got to know about me and called me up*

yes, i haven't been blogging or doing anything constructive lately. it's the weekend and i'm lazing at home.

i think i am addicted to being lazy.

anyways, i just post something here to say that i checked my jobsdb and jobscentral accounts and i have set my online resumes to private prior to this. i really wonder how job hunters work...

the job intrigues me...

and i've finally started measuring the power consumption of appliances at home. i'll see how much energy they consume and how i can cut down on energy consumption at home!

Upset about calls

2010-04-21T08:20:00.000+08:00

I got called last night by someone who asked if I want a career switch. It's a flattering thing to me but immediately I turned her down because I am barely a few months into my job.

I often wonder why I get this kind of calls. In fact, this is the second time I get this kinda call since I started my new job. Maybe it's because I take part in many lucky draws. So they use my particulars to make calls.

Anyway, I'm actually interested to know how life is like from their perspective. It's really cool to be a headhunter or work agent, whichever you call it..

difficult to host

2010-04-12T20:53:00.004+08:00

i was watching a channel 8 reality show (something like Orpah Winfrey's show but Singapore version) hosted by Quan Yi Feng and i realise that instead of being absorbed into the story of the interviewee, i was more concerned about how difficult it is for Quan Yi Feng to host the show.

you have to juggle among the emotions of the interviewee, your own emotions and taking calls from the public.

how the hell do you do that???

they should have english subtitles not just for the cover, but the show itself!!

just for this, i think the show is worth catching:)...

thinking of splitting my blog

2010-04-11T19:27:00.002+08:00

i have had another blog which is supposed to be a vlog, housing videos that i make myself and stuff. but i realise that i haven't been doing it, and it's now inactive.

and this blog contains both personal and not personal elements, and i think it's a good time to differentiate them and seperate them into two different blogs...

not resonating well

2010-04-10T09:44:00.003+08:00

last night i was out with friends for supper at the airport. on the way we were talking about me. (yah, otherwise i wouldn't be writing about this anyways.)

i realise that it is becoming increasingly hard for me to take in things that people say about me as i grow older. perhaps i have been too obedient in the past (ok, i think this is nonsense). anyways, we were talking about how i should not think of taking the easiest way out in life.

i realise that at the end of the day, i still don't understand what they are trying to tell me. all that i understand that i am not thinking right about some things in life (with respect to my career path and ambitions). its irritating that the conversation was left hanging in the air.

anyways, one thing i know is that no one can tell you what to do and how to do things in life. there's also no magic bullet in doing everything to achieve what you want.

it irritates me. and not able to understand what people tell me disturbs me too.

sometimes i wonder what i want in life.

nothing will be clear to you now but it will be as long as you keep your goal in mind.

all defunct?

2010-04-04T19:31:00.002+08:00

i was planning to write something about the comparison of final fantasy 13 and 7 because these two episodes have strikingly similar places. but i went blog hopping around my friends' blogs instead. it has been a long time (about a few months i think) since i have done this.

then i realised that except for a couple of people (david and kelvin under the friends' drop down menu at the side bar), the rest of the blogs on the list are no longer up-to-date.

i think blogging has seen its better days. now people go on facebook (or maybe still friendster) and other social networking websites where there are more interactions among the users. blogging is more of a one-way or at best bilateral communication between the writer and the reader. it's not as instinctively attractive as multi-lateral communication that people see on social networking websites.

i myself am a user of facebook and friendster as well!!

anyways, i'll still keep this blog. it's a good way for me to share my thoughts (probably because i have few people to share them with or probably because i like having attention on my thoughts).

oh well..

FFXIII reviewed

2010-04-03T18:43:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure if i have done a review of the game already. i probably had many entries written on Final Fantasy XIII but i highly doubt i have a review on it yet.

so the first final fantasy episode on the latest generation of consoles - PS3 and XBox360 - was originally scheduled for release in PS2 but was delayed and production shifted to PS3 when Final Fantasy XII couldn't be released earlier.

Final Fantasy XIII aimed to mimic the success of Final Fantasy VII in its own way but to me, it's not an outstanding Final Fantasy episode, unfortunately.

the story tells of Lightning and a group of friends being cursed by the Pulse Fal'Cie to destroy Cocoon, the last remaining place inhabited by humans, so that the Maker can be called back to the world. when they group finally does it in the end, Cocoon was saved when two of Lightning's friends turned to crystal to prevent Cocoon from crashing into Pulse.

the gameplay is a mesh of elements taken from the previous episodes of Final Fantasy. it is refreshing in this episode, but not something that'll make me want to battle every monster on the field. the random encounter isn't back, and i think it's not the trend to go for now. and amazingly, the load/save times and battle transitions are almost seamless. it's this that surprised me and made me feel that i didn't mind even if there were random enemy encounters.

anyways, it's just pure fun.

but this episode is very short - you can complete the game in under 40 hours if you've good strategies. otherwise, chalk up another 10 to 20 hours to level up before facing off the final boss.

ok, this is it from me for now.

been some time

2010-04-02T09:28:00.002+08:00

it's been about a week since i last blogged about anything. there'd been loads of things happening around me so i can't complete anything in one blog entry here. so i'll just talk about work and my thoughts about it first. then later i will write about other stuff.

anyway, yesterday being april's fool day was also the day when the japanese companies start their financial year. so there was a general meeting for everyone where the managing director and the general manager spoke.

my company is in the transition of growing from a small local medium entreprise into a large subsidary firm of a japanese multi-national company. it's an exciting period for all of us, which reminds me of how things were like at my previous job.

it seemed that history is repeating, or i hope only the scenario is but not the outcome. in my previous company, the department was also expanding. but the timing was really bad. half of the management left before i joined to set up a company outside, then after i joined (with only 3 people managing my team of 6), one got pulled away to start a sideline business for the team, and later on another got pulled to a different department in trouble. so there was only 1 looking after all the staff here. to make things worse, none of my seniors were promoted to help him in the management, which further lowered my morale at the workplace. (you can refer to my old entries on my workplace for details)

at the end, i wasn't confident of the management, and plus the pay wasn't good, so i left. and things got even messier after i left because the one who got pulled to do the sideline business left the company as well, and so now the team is in a shaky position. i know things will be better eventually, but i just don't know how it'll happen. probably my ex-colleagues will be promoted - which i seriously doubt so.

i hope the same thing will not happen in my current company. and from the way i see things, it shouldn't. the chances are very unlikely.

then i realised there is one more reason for me to change my job. in my old company, i had to ask the HR department when i get a confirmation for a job - only weeks after i was actually confirmed. in my current job, i got the letter on time - yesterday on april's fool. it's nice though people don't know how much i appreciate the letter of confirmation.

ok, this is all i have on work here. another entry on games will be up soon.

come to think of it, the advantage of working before setting up a company by myself would probably be to learn how things work at the workplace.

on the go

2010-03-27T18:39:00.002+08:00

it's been a week since i wrote anything on this blog. i've been playing on the playstation for the past few nights (for Final Fantasy XIII) and a present even came to be in the form of my dream by branding me a l'Cie.

anyways, i'm still far from finishing the game. it's interesting, but looking back, i'd wished that i am able to play FFXII on the playstation 3 too. i liked it more.

so i was watching the news and one of which caught my attention. there are made-in-Singapore games on the playstation 3!! after yahoo!-ing on the web, here's what i found.

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_505614.html

well, at least the games will be coming sometime this year. it's like what i was dreaming of since last year coming true in my face. it really gets me excited and i hope when i have my own game design studio in future, i wouldn't be just making games for smaller platforms, but doing it on the bigger ones too!!

and March is coming to an end. next friday's Good Friday. a long weekend. and marking the end of my probation too. time flies.

elixir!

2010-03-20T19:03:00.004+08:00

when i reached home on tuesday, i was pleasantly greeted by a parcel lying on the table. my game (final fantasy xiii) and the trading arts figurine plus elixir can drink have arrived!!

the canned elixir...

it smells like white grape juice and tastes pretty bitter sweet. it's a gassy drink which unfortunately made me unable to sleep that night. yah, it's an energy drink which will help you recharge after a day of gaming.

the packaging with the canned elixir...

ah yes, of course i'll keep the opened can and the figurine. nice!

more complains on the iPhone

2010-03-13T14:32:00.001+08:00

i'm just so irritated that i don't want to write anything about this anymore.

anyways, i'm happy that i get to surf LIMITED websites on the internet using the iPhone. it's the least it can provide.

where does the future lie?

2010-03-11T20:35:00.002+08:00

i hate to see myself putting up posts on this blog alternating between neutrality, negativity and positivity. but life is full of ups and downs and it's not always smooth sailing.

somewhat today, i am on the negative mode.

i wonder what i'm going to be like 10 years down the road. would i still be working in this company, working elsewhere, teaching in a poly, or have already achieved my goal of setting up a game design studio. life is simply full of uncertainty and changes. when i thought i would stay on my first job for at least 5 years a year ago, i'm already working in a different company in a different industry now. when i thought that i would apply for pHd and continue the academic path 6 months ago, it seemed an impractical path now.

in fact, nothing is for certain. and once someone told me before to embrace the uncertainty that comes. but i have had too much of the uncertainty so that i am not looking forward to uncertainty.

anyways, i do have dreams, and i hope that i am working in the right, or the best way in my current situation, towards my dreams. i really want to set up a game design studio. and i want to have a company of my own.

three months ago, a friend asked me, "why not do it now?"

it was when i told him what i wanted to do (i.e. set up a game design studio), he suggested that i shouldn't procrasinate, and he even offered avenues for me to get funding and networking to find the right minded people.

hmm... if i didn't have to support my family, i would have gone ahead with his suggestions.

i hope to build up enough finances for the next 9 years (it seems long but if you're in debt and you expect some big spending events coming your way, it's very short) and i hope to get my own game design studio before i hit 35 yearsold.

i need to see how i can do that.

not so impressed

2010-03-07T20:15:00.003+08:00

i got a chance to change my mobile phone because my old one went dead on me last week. so i took this chance to get an iPhone, which is one of the most prolific gadgets in the past one/two years.

however, the iPhone is disappointing. i would say why.

firstly, it's one of the gadgets which is supposed to be user-friendly. either my human instincts are different from that of other people or the iPhone comes with a manual which is compulsory to use for everyone. i had to read the manual to use the iPhone and what saddens me is even after reading it, i still couldn't get the idea on how to use it. to be more precise, i wanted to find out how i can add contacts through the call log (i.e. from missed calls and etc.). but there is no button on screen or off screen (which the manual should have mentioned) how to do so. i had to memorise the number and key it in manually to add contacts.

other than lacking the user (or eric) detection function, the iPhone comes with a lot of restrictions. i haven't fully explore the phone so i can't list down all the restrictions it has, but the restriction of not able to save my contacts easily is itself a huge bane, from my perspective. and importing contacts from the SIM card is a breeze; there is not way that i know of which i can explore contacts to my SIM card, though.

the iPhone needs time for the user to adapt to it. it does not adapt itself to the user.

this (user-friendliness) reminds me of how much i missed my 4 years old Nokia phone which died on me.

and yes, the iPhone has other bane. the phone gets really hot while charging. the same goes for the plug. and the phone takes more than 10 secs to shutdown after pressing the shut off button. i think this comes as a price for making a phone run like a computer.

my advice. don't bother getting an iPhone. i got it because my old phone spoilt and i thought it would be a good chance to try out what that's been making people crazy over. it's just over rated.

and why am i so hash on criticising the iPhone? it's because it's an Apple product. i wouldn't expecting anything less, and not something like this from Apple:(...

i'll be stuck with it for 2 years. i'll see what good thing i can find from the iPhone within these 2 years.

LAN games

2010-03-07T07:39:00.002+08:00

LAN = local area network.

ok, i think almost everyone knows that. i went to try LAN games for the first (as in with 100+ other players' first) time last friday and realised that sadly, i can't play LAN games proper. because after just an hour into the game, i started feeling giddy and nauseas. it's sad how the way my body works.

or rather, i can't play first person shooter games for a long period of time. it is because my brain can't register the movement of the avatar in the game.

anyways, LAN is fun. and it's puzzling me how i get nauseas when i don't have motion sickness.

remembering why

2010-03-03T20:17:00.002+08:00

i was just listening to the new sales manager telling my colleague who has now crossed from the engineering department to the sales department about how it's going to be like being in the sales team (i'll be staying in the engineering department).

so he was telling my colleague that the main job of the sales engineer will differ from an application engineer in the sense that sales engineer will only do preliminary costing and sales prooposal for the client, consultancy and site assessment to propose systems that suit the clients' needs. the sales engineer will have to do presentations and gather new contacts too.

and currently as an application engineer, i'm doing design work, and some project management. there are plans to hire project engineers but that'll be a long time wait.

so hearing this reminds me of what i used to do. in my old job, i had to do application engineer's work (i.e. design work and a bit of project management) plus sales engineer's work (prelim costing, proposal, consultancy and site assessment, and presentations, excluding gathering new contacts because that is handled by the sales people in the old company). and on top of that, i had to attend seminar, courses and do up reports and data analysis. that's why, as i remember now, that i thought the old job was worth a pay of 3.5k instead of the miserable 2.5k. and getting 2.8k for half the work that i had to do, i remember why i went over to the new job.

i don't know why i wrote this of the sudden. maybe i missed the challenging (but low paying job) i had. maybe it's because i realise after coming to the new job now (2 months already) that i forgot why i jumped ship. i don't know.

but i know i'll stay on this company for a while first before deciding what to do. if i haven't the need to support my family, i'd gone ahead to try to start a business. now the plan is to build up my finances first - trust me it's difficult having need to start from scratch - before doing anything else.

Kimi ga Iru kara

2010-03-02T21:28:00.001+08:00

final fantasy xiii english version will be released in a week's time! but taking into account the delivery lag time, i am hoping to get the game in two weeks' time.

can't wait to play the english version and see for myself what the story is all about.

the funny thing is though i have played the japanese version and completed it, i did it not know what the story is about.

so yes, i'm eagerly anticipating it!!

already march

2010-03-01T21:51:00.003+08:00

time flies! it's already march when i am feeling that the new year has just passed. (new year as in 1st jan) it's irritating when things happen around you so fast and you feel like you can't catch up with it. am i getting slower or more things are happening now so i'm feeling the strain?

so anyways, this post isn't one to complain about how fast time passes by. i'm trying to collect my thoughts and i think writing them down is the best way to do things. well, it is at least the way for me.

i've been thinking things through since i started work, like what i want to do with my life. i want to buy a house. that's the first big thing that i want to do. then i want to set up my own business. that's the second. and then this is followed by getting a car, which i would consider a luxury item.

the reason why i want to buy a house is because i believe in investing in something that will appreciate (i.e. property) and it's a good way to get passive income (through renting the rooms out). then i want to start my own business in game design. i doubt i'll do so alone. but i want to be part of it - getting to know people who are interested in designing games, and i can be the marketing person, or a normal investor. this takes loads of vitamin M too.

the last would be getting a car. i think it's not so important for me now because firstly, a car in singapore is just way too expensive, and secondly the public transport is pretty convenient and comfortable for me not to get a car.

and when i think about how much money i'd need to get the first two items, it kind of turns me off. but i hope i can do it. and i am making plans to make my targets come true. it's just a question of time and how feasible my plans are.

it feels so much better getting this off my chest:)...

white knight chronicles - game review

2010-02-28T10:22:00.005+08:00

when the game is so short you wouldn't know what to write about it when you're trying to do a review.

that's the white knight for you...

from the makers of Rogue Galaxy, white knight chronicles is Level 5's early attempt on producing a game for PS3. the style of the game is similar to what was done before, but the story telling has definitely improved from the game that they had done before.

white knight chronicles has a short story, and the story mode gameplay itself will only take about 20 to 30 hours to complete. but the online component of the game will provide about 100+ hours of entertainment. so hence this game is released as a full RPG. and it would take an Internet connection to maximise the value of this game. don't bother getting it if you're not a fan of Level 5 games or have no Internet connection for your PS3.

battle screen

basically, the story talks about the ancient wars dragged for 10,000years into present time. warriors of the past unearthed in a quake 17 years ago and power struggle between two kingdoms in the past to continue at present time. this is the background story of the princess get kidnapped and is saved by the hero.

so if you're not paying attention to the background story, you probably wouldn't realise how interesting the story is. but what is bumming me is how much they have left untold at the end of the line. if the story hooks you on this time around, you'll be interested to buy the next installment of the game.

is it going to swallow the ship?

i haven't had much chance to explore the online component of the game, but from what i know it is comprised of two components. first is the Georama, like a tiny-mini version of SimCity and Sims combined together, and second is the online quests where you can go through missions with up to 4 other online players.

monster!!

with regard to only the story mode of the game, i'd give 5.5 out of 10. can't say the score if i have the chance to try out the online component of the game, which i will do so later when time permits.

time to save the game! load up next time!

bump the weekend

2010-02-27T18:07:00.002+08:00

it's the weekend, but this weekend seemed more hollow than the ones i had before. i think it's because this weekend i haven't gone tennis with my army friends and my tuition has been shifted to tomorrow cause my student isn't feeling well.

so how did i spend the weekend when i usually had stuff to do? i was just lazing around from the morning to the late afternoon. i.e. i did nothing but eat, play and sleep (nap should be a more appropriate word) from morning to 6pm.

it's like a dream come true, but not so like what i expected. because even though i wanted a life which i only need to eat, play and sleep, i realised that i can't stand having nothing to do when i have nothing to do, when it's only for half a day.

why???

ok, that's the gist of this blog. i will do something tonight. not going out, but i can spend time planning about my future and spending in march. this sounds crazy but it's necessary because i haven't been keeping track of my money since chinese new year. work has been busy.

still missing school

2010-02-18T10:01:00.002+08:00

it takes people some time to transit from school life to work life. and for some people like me, not even having the experience of internship can help in this transition.

strangely, after a year of work, i am still missing the life i had as a student, when all you probably care about is just grades and how to spend your free time. as a working adult, you'll be thinking how to spend your money and how to maximise the number of days of leave that you have.

i think this happens because i have too much time on my hands, and i do not know what to do with it. just like the weekend which just passed, i had no work until today afternoon. (which means yes, i am still at home this thursday morning) it can be pretty disruptive because having no work from saturday to thursday morning, you're effectively having one week of nothingless.

ok, this don't matter actually. my holidays are coming to an end. till saturday when the weekend comes!

about games these days

2010-02-16T11:07:00.003+08:00

whenever i thought about wanting to set up a game design studio and then saw how games are being developed and played these days, i felt that i've a million miles to catch up with things happening in the market. and to think that electronic gaming only started 30 years ago, i daren't think about the games that will come in the future.

recently, there are two games (NOT final fantasy) that caught my eyes. one is an adventure genre game called Heavy Rain. basically, you play through characters in a movie and the game designers have made full use of the motion sensing PS3 controller to make you sit at the edge of your seat. it's i would suggest, a revival of the adventure genre of games.

a scene from Heavy Rain demo already available on the PlayStation Network.

and there's another game called Gyromancer. from the creaters of Bejeweled and Final Fantasy, comes a puzzle game incorporated into a fantasy story. play tetris-like battles like you've never done before! a combination of puzzle and story telling, it surely takes more than the story or the puzzle alone to make you get hooked on the game.

Battle screenshot for Gyromancer

Heavy Rain releases on 23 Feb 2010 for the PlayStation3, and Gyromancer is already out on Xbox 360 and STEAM.

so when i see games like this coming out in the market, i think a bit more about what i should do to keep up IF i am to set up a game design studio. it'll be a hell of a challenge:)...

looking from a different perspective

2010-02-12T07:24:00.003+08:00

the good thing about having been a consultant then and now being a sub-contractor is you get to look at things from opposite points of view. but being the dumb me i just fail to recognise that when i was dealing with a client this week.

due to the nature of the business that my company is involved in, we're required to do export control checks on new customers to properly identify their intentions for engaging in our products and services. and the degree of information required for such check can be demanding and may intimidate the person who approached us.

when i was a consultant, i was approaching contractors and product suppliers about their products and services. so i could understand how sensitive the information that needs to be given for export control checks can be. logically speaking, i should be more prudent in asking for such information when i am on the other side of the table now. however, i was pretty direct and intimidating in asking questions to my customers now when they approach my company. according to my colleague, the way i'd written my email would have scared the customer off.

i just need to beef up my social and business skills.

and yes, i should look at my customer's perspective when i write anything to them.

economics of trading

2010-02-03T19:46:00.002+08:00

i was retty upset yesterday when i found out that the game that i thought would be released wasn't. but it was surely nice to have gone out with friends for dinner and DURIAN.

anyways, this morning i decided to get the game online instead. i was looking through different online game shop sites and they offered different prices on the sale of the same game and handling and packaging charges.

it made me realise that it's not just the cost of the game itself which mattered. the handling charges of overseas online gamestore were so hefy that it made it cheaper for me to get the game from a local online gamestore.

the effect of handling and shipping charges are as follows:-
gamestop.com: 59.99USD + 24.99USD
amazon.com: 56.99USD + ~30USD
play-asia.com: 65.99USD + 0USD (free delivery in singapore)

so yeah, delivery charges are high because it takes manpower (labour cost), material (packaging) and most importantly, energy cost (fuel for transport).

oh well... play-asia.com must have imported the game in bulk so it's possible to reduce the handling charges for local delivery.

handing out pay in person

2010-01-30T17:25:00.002+08:00

my sis got a rude shock yesterday when she found out that there wasn't any bonus banked into her bank account.

actually what happened what the company calculated her bonus wrongly, and she got a check for it instead.

anyways, the general manager was handing out the paycheck in person to almost everyone in the office. and he called my sister in the last, so my sister was pretty anxious for the whole day.

okay, that's besides the point. the point is it's nice to have the GM giving out the paycheck personally once in a while and at the same time, check on your status at work.

it's a good way to boost the workers' morale.

should i buy white knight chronicles?

2010-01-28T19:14:00.002+08:00

with final fantasy 13 english version just 2 months away, i am thinking if i should spend almost a hundred dollars on a preview game which will debut on my birthday this tuesday!!

hmm.. how ah?

anyways, i'd logged on blogger.com today to do some blogging on my work, not on this game, so i should just stick to my original agenda.

i'd my first job assignment yesterday (which was the day after the previous entry). it's amazing how satisfying it feels when you are on a job which u'd know how it'd be like before you tried it. my assignment was to design and propose a system for desalination of seawater for factory uses. of course for the first assignment, i'd a senior to guide me along. but as i knew what i should do (due to my previous job experience though the technicality has no relation), i'd took the opportunity to learn about things. i realised that i do like what i'm doing, which is the most important.

oh well.

at the end of the day, i'm still interested in setting up a game design studio!!!

about my workplace

2010-01-26T21:39:00.003+08:00

the wonderful thing about life is you won't know how much you liked something until you don't have it. when i was working last year, i kept telling people that i liked my job but the pay wasn't enough. that was true, and i realise that especially when i am working at a different company now.

as much as i try to deny it, the feeling i get when i wake up every morning now and every morning last year having to go to work was different. i was really excited about going to work everyday last year but now i'm just happy to go to work everyday. the intensity was the difference-that between excitement and happiness.

then again, i would still have made the switch because work scope isn't the only thing that is important. there are a few factors to consider when you choose work:
1. location of your workplace - how accessible you are to your workplace in terms of travel time and distance
2. money - are you paid enough for the work you do? or are you paid more than you'd feel satisfied that you feel bad about it?
3. workscope - you like to be office bound? on the road? physically stressed/ challenged? mentally stressed or challenged?
4. colleagues and superiors, and in some cases, your subordinates - are they good to work with?
5. company policy and culture - working hours, bonus, leave and other entitlements, and the like

so comparing my current and previous jobs, i'd still have made the switch because the score is 2 (factors no. 2 and 5) is to 1 (factor no. 3). and the other two factors (factors no. 1 and 4) being on equal grounds.

anyway, now that i've written this post, i can officially and total put an end to my thoughts about the old job. i was still called up by ex-colleagues and clients for the previous three weeks. but for this week (though it's only tuesday), no one from my old job has been calling me and i don't think they would now.

i can say that i've moved on, with effect from now!

so about my new workplace. monday was a surprising day for us at work because the company announced bonus for the year. when i started work 3 weeks ago, the general manager said that sales has been poor last year and maybe we'd get one month's bonus. but on monday, the managering director announced a two-month bonus for us (excluding me whom just entered this company of course). and people get promoted - one from my department and another from the purchasing side.

it's great encouragement for me to see my colleagues getting promoted (so it means i will have chances in future too). and pay raise for everyone who has worked for a year in the company (about 4 times the pay raise i'd gotten from my previous job, a mention for comparison). so it seems :)... i'll be squatting here for some time for sure.

anyways, at the end of the day, i'd still want to set up my own business in game design or related industry. if you know anyone whose interest shares with mine, do drop me a message!

payback period

2010-01-23T08:09:00.002+08:00

i was planning how much to give to give to CPF a month to pay back the loan i'd taken for my university studies and realised that the payback period for the repayment of my university fees is actually longer than that of my sister, who went to a polytechnic.

what i'd meant is that if you divide 20thousand by 2,800, you get 7.1 and if you divide 6,000 by 1,700, you get 3.5. 20thousand is the loan amount and the latter is the average salary that environmental engineering fresh grads get. the former set of calculation is for university education and the latter set of calculation is for polytechnic education.

so it's pretty amusing that the common perception of higher education means better money, would require a less attractive investment period. however, i had heard from my professor in uni before that for a masters' degree (in business), the payback period is only 5 months. and the amount is much bigger than the 20thousand dollar investment for uni education.

anyway, thinking through again, i'd still go for a university education. it's because at the end of the day, the quantitative amount of vitamin M you get is still better than that from a poly education. that is unless if you had a poly education, found a high paying job which gives you the same amount as a uni fresh grad, or gave you a pay increment to that within a year of work.

trying to move on to action games

2010-01-17T21:50:00.002+08:00

action games is one genre of games that i haven't been able to play well. i think it's because the first games i was exposed to were real time strategy and RPGs. the interface and game settings in these genres of games differed greatly from action games.

recently, there was an IT fair and i got Lost Planet from one of the sales. tried playing that after completing FF13 this weekend yesterday, but i realised that i wasn't comfortable with action games! i wasn't used to not having a menu, or nagivation without mini maps. have tried other action games before such as metal gear solid and ff7 dirge of cerberus. but they had mini maps and a menu screen.

i think i am too addicted to mini maps.

and yes, it was weird for me not having a menu, and i also realised that i couldn't remember the controls. so i gave up playing Lost Planet after a frustrating hour.

hope to find a good and interesting entry level action game so i can try my hands on other genre of games!!

2010

2010-01-12T07:35:00.004+08:00

ok, this entry is way over due. but i finally have the time to write something here.

The year 2010 started out great. I was in Vietnam doing the countdown. Though there were no fireworks and people were crowding like being in an ant's nest, it was nice just doing the countdown. After returning to singapore, i started work immediately and went to KL with my buddies the weekend after. it was nice having two relaxing trips.

and having worked in the new company for two weeks now, i can roughly gauge if i like the working environment. i can say that compared to my previous company, things are entirely different here. after all, i've jumped from working in an office where everyday i go to work with a hundred plus people to going to work with about 20 people.

people are closer in the new office, but it also means that at times, there can be pretty much tension. but the people in my new company are pretty proactive. so even though we can have issues with one another at times, it's mostly peaceful.

and working with my sister was weird at the beginning. but now i'm used to it, and she is too (from what she has said). i also like the pace i have at work now, though i know i'll be "accelerating" and going into the overdrive mode after two months. looking forward to that though.

ok, i think i'll end here for now. today's the company anniversary and we're off work for the day! so i'm looking forward to the end of march where i'll get confirmed on this new job. godspeed!

MIA for back in Saigon

2010-01-02T21:44:00.003+08:00

okay, it sounded stupid but i didn't blog for the last two days about our travels is because i got the password for the WIFI mixed up and i didn't want to blog in public.

anyway, here's the update on what happened the past two to three days. first, it was new year's eve. we flew back into saigon from da nang, which is near to hoi an, where we were at previously.

and yes, for the eve, we had countdown at the orchard road equivalent of vietnam. the vietnamese kinda "worshipped" Abba's new year song, kept playing it over and over and over and over and over again.. but the crowd is nice and the simple countdown was different from what i had before..:)...

then new year's day we went to cu chi tunnels, cao dao temple

today we went to mekong delta.

will post more stuff up here soon!

marble mountains - random pictures

2009-12-31T11:07:00.006+08:00

long climb uphill the marble mouuntains!!
the view from top of the marble mountains.
12 zodiacs on the entrance of the cave.
loads of marble statues!

hoi an - random pictures

2009-12-31T10:10:00.012+08:00

drip coffee.. trying to catch the drip!!
daz's lantern shop!
daz among the ruins!!
lunch on the boat trip on the way back to hoi an
building boats! i want one too!!
nice waffles! and this restaurant, called sailing club, at the old town of Hoi An, is catered to westerners. it has the most palatable food for non Vietnamese in town, i must say:)...
me digging for money to pay for the trip to send off the lantern!
zen-zen monster and his mountain!
dinner @ hotel restaurant: this plus sauteed fish, rice and dessert for only USD 7!!
wasteland or farmland in the middle of the town??

hoi an

2009-12-30T13:30:00.007+08:00

after nha trang, the town we visited is hoi an. it's the town i liked the most, though the best attractions are still in mui ne.

me in the foreground of the old part of town.

on the river where the old town is located. muddy river but no smell, unlike other rivers we've been to so far. the mud must be due to the sand on the river bed.

unlike saigon, hoi an is more taoist than cathodism. there are only temples here, no churches, monastries or buildings of other religions which i have seen so far.

ok, i'll end part one with this pic of daz and the lady selling lanterns!!

nha trang and the sentosa of vietnam

2009-12-29T23:27:00.008+08:00

nha trang is another beach resort town but it's more vibrant and catered more to tourists on resort vacation then mui ne. the difference between the two is mui ne is less developed and more "geographic" attractions compared to nha trang.

as for nha trang, it just has an island like old sentosa in singapore - loads of amusement park activities. pictures tell it all... i'll back track on this first before moving to hoi an.

we had lunch at this restaurant after sleeping in the hotel in the morning. arrived from mui ne (on bus) at 7am in the morning and i couldn't sleep in the sleeping coach... i didn't know that i can adjust my seat:(...

so this restaurant sells western food.. chump chump!!

and yup, we're at the cable car station en route to Vin Peal Land (which is the old Sentosa of Singapore equivalent).

yup, us on the cable car!!

can you see the words vin pearl in the background??

one of the rides we tried.. and daz was in the mood for more... and i tagged along with him..

ok, i think this is good for now.. will write more tomorrow!

mui ne again

2009-12-25T20:55:00.003+08:00

yah, so after realising that there's nothing much to do in and around phan thiet, we decided to move to mui ne itself. the hotel is kind enough not to over charge us for checking out early.

so we went on a tour again today. i'll upload the photos in another browser, so they won't be in this entry.

we toured the Buddha statue, dragon fruit farm and passed by the Hindu temple ruins, which reminded me of the Tchita Uplands in FFXII...

wasn't as thrilling as the sand dunes trip we had yesterday, but we certainly had a workout climbing up the Takou mountains where the Buddha statue is. and finally FRESH AIR is in our lungs!

ok, have to bounce now.. will get the pics up on Monday, as i'm not likely to have WiFi tomorrow and Sunday. going to R&R at the Mui Ne resort tomorrow and go to an amusement park on Sunday in Nha Trang! and then Monday we'll reach Hoi An!

vietnam tips summary 1

2009-12-25T07:53:00.004+08:00

i figured that i should summarise some tips for travelling to vietnam when memories are still fresh in my mind...

tip 1: best time to travel : december to february. it'll still be hot this period, as it is just after the rainy season. temperatures can hit 33 degC during the day. so it's a summer throughout city!

tip 2: out from the airport, many companies will offer you taxi. but probably none will tell you that you've to pay for the exit poll charges en route out from the airport. so get ready some Duong when you reach vietnam!

tip 3: there are no train public transport system within the city, so get a map and get ready to do a lot of taxi-ing and riding on the motorbikes!! motorbikes are cheaper, provided that you know the market rate to be sure that the rider is not trying to rip you off.

tip 4: learn how to cross the road with a drozen vehicles coming at you! there's just too many vehicles on the road and too few pedestrian crossings. so just be steady and cross the road when there are less than 10 vehicles going through. they would watch out for you. horning is a good will gesture, so don't be offended or irritated by the incessant horning you hear on the roads.

tip 5: famous for beef noodles and thick coffee. for coffee lovers, watch out because when i mean thick coffee, i meant that their coffee is thicker and more bitter than what you can ever imagine! and they don't cook vegetables for their local dishes, just rinse the veges in boiling water. so like raw veges or don't try vietnamese cuisine!

that's all for now..

mui ne - first impressions

2009-12-24T21:34:00.005+08:00

after realising that we booked the hotel at the WRONG place, we continued staying there and took a cab down to Mui Ne. we got this 2 star hotel called Caty Hotel, which is half an hour taxi ride from Mui Ne.

so what's there at Mui Ne? There's a piece of Nice, Montpellier, Sahara and maybe the Grand Canyon. we went on a package half day tour to the fishing village, white sand dunes and the yellow sand dunes. it's lovely.

and at the end of the day, we took bikes back to the hotel. tip: get either a metered taxi, or motorbike (with price negotiation) the bike will cost less than the taxi if you know the market rate:)...

ok, i just upload the photo i have from the fishing village. more to come after i return to SG!

ho chi minh city - first impressions

2009-12-23T23:00:00.006+08:00

"smoke gets in your eyes" as commented by dazril.

you've to power up your chicken crosses the road skills!! as the chaos takes over the town through the invasion of the viet-riders!!

yah, actually this photo don't show much because it's shot across an empty car park. but i've a video which i will upload after editing some inappropriate scenes later on to show how crowded the streets are. you've to enjoy jay walking to enjoy the traffic in HCMC!!

so there's the smog and all... we passed by the vietnam version of the paris notre dame cathedral, and the central post office which looks like a train station.

and the catholic + buddhist pagoda...

and there's the night view of the opera house..

and the latest collection to my pictures of mail posts around the world!!

ok, very tired now.. gtg to sleep and wake up early tomorrow morning to catch the bus to mui ne!!

missing the ball

2009-12-20T10:00:00.002+08:00

went bowling with my colleagues on friday. it was a department outing.

i realise that i do feel a bit sad leaving my current job. it's something that i like (a little at least) and my colleagues, after knowing them more, are not so much of a bunch of boring people that i thought they were at the beginning.

so this tuesday is my last day. after that, i'll be in vietnam for a holiday with daz!! am looking forward to it, but i'll be missing my FINAL FANTASY XIII. oh gosh..

anyway, i'll be starting my new job in jan 4th, the day after i return from vietnam.

a new year, and a new start. for 2009, i've managed to travel to shanghai for a work trip. for 2010, i hope i'll be satisfied with the pay in my new company, so history won't repeat itself. i should lower my expectations and mentality towards work too!

i'll be there for at least the next three years. i'll do that. and i hope for this new job, i can make something out of it.

end of the weekend

2009-12-13T19:15:00.002+08:00

it's sunday, and i'm going back to office tomorrow. i have 7 days left to make right what i have left to do. i'm handling over my work to a colleague who is new at work (he's actually the friend whom i recommended into the company).

there's a list of stuff i need to do, and i should write them down lest i forget: -

1. organise my stuff to make it accessible to everyone. i tend to be very messy and i don't want people not able to find my stuff.

2. teach my colleague/friend what i know. unfortunately for him, he hasn't the chance to go on a project. i don't know why the management didn't attach him to a project immediately when he joined the company. he only knows a bit here and there, but i will teach him everything from A to Z on what i know about the job by the end of tomorrow.

3. hand in my assignments!! i have to hand in my assignments to my bosses before i leave!

yah, i hope to finish everything by this friday, so thereafter, i'll go for a meeting on my second last day of work, and the admin stuff on my last day of work.

i am looking forward to joining the new company!

an update

2009-12-11T20:48:00.002+08:00

after having two weeks of the "world has collasped"on me experience, i'm finally back on track to do what i have left undone.

on my hand now, there are only two projects and two assignments left to hand things over to my colleagues and bosses before i can leave the company.

i just hope that i can properly clear what has been left uncleared during these last few days (7 working days to be exact).

needs a break

2009-12-06T15:26:00.003+08:00

it's sunday! and the lovely sunday breeze blows mindlessly through my flat. but i'm working at home, trying to catch up with what i have not done for the past one week.

it's seriously been hell from monday afternoon to friday. i'm actually thankful that i am leaving this job. then again, it could be that i am leaving this job, that i feel oblige to solve all the problems on hand.

i'm now at the stage where i don't know whose fault it is that things go wrong on this project. there are basically three things which happened lah..

the first is the design calculations. i am pretty much a risk taker, so i'd do calculation on energy savings with the MINIMUM buffer. and when you overestimate the energy savings, you're screwed. i've let my ex-supervisor check through my working before. the design was his idea, but he's no longer with the company; i did only the calculations. but we concur on the method and savings estimation. so i didn't know that i should put more buffer in. and when my manager and deputy director saw the calculations, they were a bit shocked lah - shocked that i calculated the savings to the very kWh. and the design wouldn't be practical. that's what the deputy director commented. so we had to start from scratch again. and it turned out the savings would be about 15% less than what i'd previously estimated. this happened on monday

then before i had the time to breathe, the second thing happened. the contractor i engaged for a quotation replied with a quote which is 4 times the cost quoted by the contractor previously engaged by my ex-supervisor. (the difference was 600,000, from 200,000 to 800,000) I didn't expect the cost to increase. in fact, i was only anticipating the extra costs incurred for some works, and it turned out that the extra cost was only 324,000 dollars, insignificant compared to the equipment supply and installation cost which i put in. this really put a lot of stress on me, to the extent that i didn't know what i should do anymore. this happened on tuesday morning.

then the third thing happened. we had a meeting with the authority on wednesday, and the shock came to everyone of us that the method of computing energy consumption using the formula given by another authority isn't recognised by this authority (talking about the hands and legs out of sync - this is the case). but this is the least critical before the new calculation method is a little lax compared to the old calculation method. nonetheless, nothing is confirmed until i check the calculation method with both authorities.

i should get more rest and be prepared for tomorrow. it's going to be another long day!! can't wait for 17th december to arrive..

what happened for the past 4 days

2009-12-03T21:12:00.004+08:00

Monday, 30 Nov 2009 - 11am
Suddenly, my deputy director and manager wanted a meeting with me to discuss on the design of the system. I gathered the data and sat down with them. Every detail was scrutinised and the calculations which seemed reasonable to me has became a fallacy. Because "it will not work", said my deputy director. I knew what trouble I am getting myself into. "Call up the supplier and get the data and costing from him". I know I have to clean up this shit.

2pm: I called up the supplier and he said he'll help me get the data.

5pm: still no news, and the day ends.

Tuesday, 1 Dec 2009 - 3 pm
Unaware of the danger which is to come, I am still editing the report, and waiting for the supplier to gather the data for me. My deputy director suggests that I should call to check on the status. But I got data from my colleagues which is relevant. So no worries there. But another contractor came back with some pricing. It tripled what another contractor has predicted previously. I know now that I am in deep shit.

I told my manager about it, and we have to let our marketing assistant director know.

5 pm: nothing was done, and the day ends.

Wednesday, 2 Dec 2009 - 8.30am
I had an urgent meeting with my manager and assistant director. It's terrible to find out that your design philosophy (or rather, my ex-supervisor's) is different from that of your manager. Everything has to start from scratch.

10 am: meeting with client and authority. Nothing much concrete to produce; nothing was questioned about the design. But some other calculations, which is major, is affected. Had to revise and review calculation methods.

2pm: back in office, still no reply from the supplier. A colleague has good relations with a supplier and has offered to help. I took up the offer.

5pm: waiting for 2 suppliers to respond. But no one did. The day ends.

Thursday, 3 Dec 2009 - 8.30 am
Meeting with manager to sort out the design. I managed to do up something decent. But my manager is more conservative, so in the end, many things changed.

1 pm: meeting with authority. went smoothly. Finalised on calculations. But still no news from the suppliers, mine and my colleague's. Should have seen this coming.

3 pm: called up my client for help (I work with a group of clients). He was able to provide me with some costing. Called up another two people - one contractor, and one supplier. They were able to help too, on the costing.

5pm: firmed up the reports and review with manager.

7pm: review finished and editing done. Sent the reports to client.

I was planning to send the reports earlier. But I still didn't make it in the end. Guess I can't help leaving the company with a bang.

how 5 minutes of talk can change your life

2009-11-30T19:26:00.003+08:00

i finally sent in my resignation letter today. it's been a long struggle within myself, and i gave it to my manager with a sigh of relief.

when i first joined the company, i had the intention to stay with the company for 5 years. but as time goes by, i got distracted by many things happening around me and started thinking of leaving earlier. it's especially when i don't feel motivated or passionate about staying in the company. i don't know how it ended up the way it did for me.

so when the chance came, i decided to move on. people say it's crazy for just 300 bucks. but my current management knows that nothing can be changed now, so they wish me all the best. it's a shame but life goes on.

then my deputy director (DD) came to talk to me. this happened after my marking assistant director found out about me leaving by accident, followed by my manager whom i told, then my head of department. well, my DD asked me about where i'll be heading on to, and he respected my decision to move on.

somehow we talked about what i want to end up as eventually. i mentioned about being a poly lecturer (which is like a pre-cursor to my gaming business idea which i have not mention to him). he was pretty disapproving of it (though not in an outright manner). he said i could have just stayed on this company for another year then move on to teach in a poly thereafter. there wasn't a need to change the job. the friends he has who went into teaching were the ones who didn't like working. this made me realise that i haven't try hard enough at work. i still have the itch to experience working in the private sector.

and to cut things short, i was reflecting in my mind what i want in life. i can't be greedy and want many things. so i should choose one path and stick to it. otherwise, i'd end up nowhere and it'll truly be a shame if that is the case.

so for the 5 mins, i know finally why i accepted this new job even though it's only 300 bucks more than what i'm being paid now. i am genuinely excited about the new job, and the opportunities that it will bring.

it's not just any job that i am moving on to.

p.s. then again, i'm just obssessed with getting the limited edition of PS3 on 17th december 2009 for now.